Today's Italian Adventure: Grocery Shopping, Italian Style

It has been an incredibly lengthy span of time since I posted anything, but it has taken this long to finally get my thoughts coherent enough for others to understand!

Today, let's delve into grocery shopping. I know, not terribly exciting, but a necessity that we all face unless we want to starve the children, which, we don't.  Americans, on the average, probably grocery shop for at least a week at a time, maybe more.  Italians, however, do not. They shop for each meal, it seems, or at most a day or two.  This can be witnessed if you happen upon the meat or break counter at 5:30 or 6 pm. Surrounding you (and assaulting your personal space) will be non-line forming Italians, fighting to get the best cut of meat/freshest bread.

We have not quite converted to this manner of shopping, so I shop for a week or two at a time, as to minimize the rush and hassle to only once a week or less.  Here's how it goes:

Michelle's Guide to Italian Grocery Shopping

 1. List Making: First, I choose some fantastic recipes with my bff digital hoarding-helper, Pinterest. (My boards are here: https://www.pinterest.com/mcascio/). Once I am thoroughly starving and have wasted 1 hour and pinned at least 42 more pins, I have a functional menu for the week, and grocery list (which I add to while I'm pinning the recipe!) This step is usually done the day before.

2.  Shopping Day Prep: *very important* Gather about 10 reusable shopping bags. We have amassed enough for a small army, and we usually keep them in the trunk, however, if you ever forget them, be prepared to purchase a plastic bag for at least .10 euro/bag, or buy more reusable shopping bags, which is why we have at least 100 now.  Put them in the car. (Yes, I've missed that before, lol.)

Feeding the cart

Next, and equally, if not more important, be sure you have at least a 1euro coin. You need this to unlock the magical grocery cart that is fastened to it's friends via a metal chain. Otherwise, you will have to undertake some serious juggling and strategic stacking of as many groceries you can fit in your arms. (Yes, done this before, as well, lucky you, learning from my mistakes!)

Loyalty Cards!

Lastly, grab your trusty store loyalty card. Every store that we have shopped at thus far as a loyalty program, and it's the only way to get the advertised low prices. If you forget your card, you can beg someone in line to let you scan theirs. Otherwise, you pay full price. We also learned this the hard way. As a bonus, you gain loyalty points and you can exchange those for cool things from a store catalog. It's actually pretty cool.

3. Shopping: Before we got to Italy, we were worried that there wouldn't be grocery stores like we are used to in the states. Boy, were we wrong (see pictures of all the grocery stores here!) As with most italian things, they far exceed expectations, and although they are different, I almost prefer them to American Stores. There are just a few notes of interest that I will illuminate now:

• Veggies: you must wear gloves (guanti) to touch the fruits & veggies. I mean, you could rebel and go bare-handed, but you will get stared at, and maybe even yelled at by one of the workers. No joke. Also, after you pick your veggies, you must weigh them yourself. There are numbers for each item next to the price, and in case you forget, it's also at the scale. The digital scale then prints your barcoded price tag and you slap that puppy on the bag. We didn't know this on our first shopping adventure, and it was a mess at the cashier.  They also sell pre-packaged and priced items, which is useful if you are in a hurry and/or American. 

Shelf vs. Fresh Milk

• Milk: Yes, they have fresh milk, but it's only sold in like quart-sized containers, and it's expensive. Which, honestly, is probably best for these italian micro-sized fridges, but would last about half a day in cereal- and chocolate-milk loving house of boys. After the initial wariness of the shelved milk (Yes, it's on the shelf, not refrigerated), we have pretty much converted to that exclusively. No, I don't know how they stabilize the milk, or if it's even milk, but I don't care right now. I'm over that. I buy a 6-pack container of parmalat for around 6 or 7 euro, which is pretty cheap. It lasts us about a week and a half.

• Bread: They have "American" bread (it actually says "American" on it), but it tastes kind of strange, so we usually get the store bakery bread, which is awesome. However, it's incredibly moist and wonderful for exactly one day. After that, it's best used as a paperweight. Lol

• Pasta: Not surprisingly, there are so many brands of pasta here that there is an entire grocery aisle dedicated to just pasta. Also, you can pick up some fresh pasta in the refrigerated section, which tastes better and cooks even faster. I prefer this, but obviously the shelf-life is less, and it takes up precious fridge space.

• "American" & Foreign items: For all the awesome food you can get here, there are a lot of items that are just ridiculously expensive and not worth buying: BBQ sauce, peanut butter, maple syrup, cake mixes, refried beans, any mexican/foreign spices.  Also, many things we were used to having stocked you can't get at all like: vanilla, brown sugar, quaker oats, cilantro (sometimes you get lucky) and chocolate chips. Luckily for us, we make a monthly trip to the nearest Military base to stock up at the commissary. 

So, that's it. Everything we have learned about grocery shopping in Italy so far. Hope you enjoyed it - and get a passport to come visit us! 

The Comparison Trap

I know what you're thinking. "I don't really compare myself to others. I don't have that problem". Well, you better listen, sister, because those were my thoughts exactly, until recently, when some of my less-healthy, childish thoughts organized themselves and painted a crystal clear picture of who their mommy was, and her name was Comparison. Oh you are sneaky, Satan. I didn't even know I struggled with this particular sin at all! It didn't make the top 3 on my "Needs refining" list. And do you know why? Because it was masquerading as something else entirely, and I just hadn't pulled the mask off yet.

Let me elaborate, because you might still be convinced that you don't need to read this.

I don't compare myself to others too frequently, but I DO compare myself to ME!
ALL.THE.TIME!  A more athletic version of me. A younger version of me. A skinnier me. A more Godly me. A better friend me. A better mom me. A more patient me. A kinder me. A not-yelling me. I can get myself so wound around the axle when I fall short of my own expectations, I don't even need to breach my own front door to seek new examples to compare myself with. I'm exhausted looking in the mirror and listening to my own preachy-voice rant about how I failed. Again. Are you with me, here?

When I came to that realization, I was just astounded. Because I really was hoodwinked. Blind to my own sin. And that is what Satan does to us, isn't it?  He pulls the wool right over your eyes, and you are walking around bumping into things and getting frustrated. He revels in our blind confusion. Meanwhile, you become ineffective at serving anyone else, or shining a light to others. What a sticky web he spins. I'll freely admit, he catches me often, and sometimes it takes me a while to struggle free. A trap is something you didn't see coming. Something you just fall into and don't even realize what happened.  Do you see how comparison is a trap?

What the Bible Says about Comparison

So, then, what does the bible say about comparison? The greek word for compare is sugkrinō (pronounced soong-kree'-no) and it means "to judge one thing in connection with another". This greek definition is used in context in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians, concerning some of the false teachers and teachings that were going on in Corinth at that time:

"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Now Paul was a humble dude. He was pointing out that we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to anyone. In his day, it was the hypocritical Pharisees who were making up the rules and boasting about being the most Holy to anyone who would listen. In our time, Paul would probably be warning about comparing ourselves with the "well behaved and respected Christian family" that makes it look so easy or the "Worldly-bless-their-heart-heathens" that make us feel like we are doing this parenting thing right. Comparison in ANY lateral direction is useless and reveals our faulty understanding of God, and our relationship with Him. The only person we have to gain favor with is God, and even then, He loves us even if we are still in the Heathen category.

I've spent many a night so distraught because of the behavior of my children in public, or my poor parenting skills, or my inattentiveness to my family's needs. Comparing myself to "The other Mother" (Smile if you've watched the movie Caroline) who woke up early, made pancakes from scratch, went for a run, packed her husband's lunch and kissed him as he went off to work. The "Other Mother" is me on a good day, not someone else I'm envisioning. And I'm warning you, that is just as dangerous as comparing yourself to others! It will leave you feeling defeated, not-good-enough, unworthy, and like a failure. It robs you of joy and convinces you that you will be this way forever. It seeps into every part life, stealing confidence as it goes.

How to avoid the Comparison Trap

How do you avoid the comparison trap? Can it be avoided? Absolutely! When that sneaky voice starts talking, stop listening. Speak truth.

1. Not Everyone is created Equal. You will never measure up when your using someone else's scale.  God says the only thing we should be focusing on is Him and His mission for our lives. If we start veering off our chosen path, we will get ensnared in webs we might never be able to completely shake off.  God gave you gifts, girl. Use them to glorify Him, don't complain that the package it came in isn't as shiny and big as so-and-so's!  Christians should work together, using all of their varied gifts and talents. We were NOT all created equal, but we were created with a purpose that matches our gifts!

2. Don't  be a Hater. So what if Betty Sue can whip up 4 dozen perfect cupcakes with fondant icing at a moment's notice? You have different skills, so rejoice in the gifts she has been given and enjoy the benefits of being her friend. As women, we spend far too much time tearing each other down, rather than building each other up. Let's celebrate our unique abilities and not cause division!

2. God's Scale is the only one that Matters. If God had a big scale, he definitely wouldn't be putting a Christian on each side and seeing which one is "better"! Sounds ridiculous, right?  Remind yourself that you do not want to measure yourself against anyone - if you end up boasting that you are better, You're Wrong. If you end up feeling like you can never do anything as good as _______, You're Wrong. See? There is no winner in the comparison game! God knows that we could never be perfect, so he already provided a way for us to be forgiven - His son, Jesus. He knows we are a mess, even at our best!

Songs that Inspired this Post

Tenth Avenue North, "Worn"

Tenth Avenue North, "You Are More"

Big Daddy Weave, "Redeemed"

10 Ways to Support a Military Family going through Deployment!

This post has been marinating in my head for some time now. Well, about 7 or 8 months, if you must know.

If you don't already know (and love us), we are an Air Force family, stationed at Travis AFB, California.

My husband has been Active Duty for almost 16 years (rounding up, wishing for it to go faster…) and we have five boys. Two 15-yr olds, a 7-yr old going on 12, a 5-yr old, and a 3-yr old who runs the joint. After 12 years of Active Duty Air Force, I switched over to the Reserves, and in October of this year, I will hit my 20-year, magic retirement number! (I probably will not retire, yet, though, more on that in another post).

We married in 2005, and those of you who are good with math have already discovered we each came into the marriage with one boy a piece, and two houses full of furniture. :) Any-who….fast forward to last year, early July 2013, which was our first experience with a deployment. There had been short trips here and here (the longest being 42 days), but for the most part, we had been blissfully spared any major time apart. (Side note, I have been deployed before we were married, but I only had one son at the time, and I can say it is much easier, in my opinion, to be the one gone!)

If you read my deployment posts, you will find that I started out very excited, nervous, and full of ideas of what I was going to do to distract myself from the mundane misery that I feared our life might become. Obviously we survived, and I learned a lot during that time, which I'll cover in another post, too.  But one thing I did discover is that people don't know what they can do to help your family get through a deployment. So here is my list, take an idea or two, and go love a military family TODAY!

10 Ways to Support a Military Family Going through Deployment

1. Take them a meal.  Not just any meal, because that involves arranging a drop-off, and figuring out what they like….blah, blah, blah...Well, by all means, make them something they like and make sure no one has allergies first, but I'm saying just bring them a meal, early in the day, so they have the option to cook it for dinner or save it for another night. Bring it over in disposable trays that they won't have to wash and return. Bless them with a special dessert, too. One of my favorite things to do is make a batch of cookie batter, freeze it in balls, and give them a bag of frozen cookie balls, ready to bake! If you are really good, make some muffins and bring fresh fruit, so they can have an easy breakfast or snack option, too!

2. Watch their kids. Seriously, don't just offer to watch the kids, set up a specific time and even a weekly thing, if you can swing it. Don't throw out a random, "I can watch the kids whenever! Just let me know!" I mean that is a nice gesture and all, but go one step further and hmake them commit to an actual day and time, and they will love you forever.  Bonus points if you can arrange to watch the kids for them while they have an appointment!  I don't know how you all operate, but I really don't like asking for help. Not because I'm too proud, I just don't want to feel like I'm bothering anyone, so this really helps me know you are serious, and takes all the thinking out of it!

3. Pray for them.  This is an easy one, and it works even better if you ask them what they need prayer for, and then let them know you are praying. If you happen to think of a scripture that you think would encourage them, jot it down on a card or note, and give it to them. Knowing that someone is thinking of you definitely makes you feel less lonely! My friend Carmen gave me little encouraging notes that I will cherish always!

4. Help with the Yard work. Most of the time, it's Daddy who is the one deployed. And in most cases, Daddy is the one who takes care of all that outside dirty-grass-muddy-yucky-weedy stuff that we ladies would probably rather not do. Send your husband over to mow and edge, do some weeding, and this is for bonus points, offer to wash the car! (If you get the kids involved you get an extra 10 points. If you get their kids involved and also let them go for a run or walk, that's an extra 100 points!)

5. Take their trash bins out/in. This may seem silly, but honestly, I forgot to take out the trash EIGHT times in a row.  Let me correct, my 15-yr old son "forgot," which led to a frantic sprint to beat the garbage truck with pj's still on, no contacts in, and no shoes on at 7 am. So, if you happen to notice their trash bins are no out the night before trash day, take them out. (Ask, first, but really, I wouldn't have cared!) Also, grab those puppies and tuck them back in if you happen to notice they are still out the next day!

6. Sit with them at Church. Also, may seem silly, but I felt so alone when I went to church. We go to a rather large church, and I kind of got lost in the crowd. I felt like no one knew what I was going through, and why I was there alone, and no one ever asked. So it's just awkward. It's way more fun to go with a friend and third-wheel. Also, as a bonus, you have some help picking up the kids from child care. Score.

7. Drop off a surprise package. Maybe you know they like to watch movies. Fill a box with popcorn, movie treats, and if you can afford it, tickets to a local movie theatre. If movies aren't their thing, drop off a nice "escape" treat for mom, like a book, journal, lotion, a new candle, anything really, that would brighten their day.  You can include a small note, or keep it a secret! Thanks to Pinterest, you can stalk your friend's boards and see what she likes!

8. Encourage them to get out of the house. Stay with me here, because if you are dealing with an instinctual hermit, every fiber of their being will want to batten down the hatches, seal up the ship, and hunker down for the long haul….don't let them. Probably one of the worst slump patterns I got into was caused by lack of sunlight and fresh air. I'm being a bit dramatic, but, honestly, sometimes it was all I could do to not put the kids to bed at 5 and call it a night. This encouragement could take the form of inviting them for a bike ride or walk to the park. (If they don't want to, take the kids, bonus 50 points.)

9. Be considerate of their time/space. This is hard to explain, so hopefully it comes out right, and no it's not exactly a contradiction to my last point. If you are one of the three people I consider my very closest friends (can you tell I'm an introvert, jeez.), you are allowed to drop in on me, whatever time of day, with no questions asked, and you can come and stay for as long as you need, or until I kick you out. Everyone outside the chosen circle of 3, you must approach cautiously, and observe my physical state carefully. If you sense that I am at all under stress, DO NOT try to come inside and make small talk, thinking you are providing the daily adult conversation I might be craving. I will invite you inside if I'm ready for a visit, and if that does happen, please don't overstay your time, because that just causes me loads of extra stress that I can't handle. If my kids are napping, and it's "quiet time" in my house, that means it's the only time I have to reload my sanity and think straight. So please, please, don't rob me of that precious time, or I'll have to cut you. Okay. I won't actually harm you, but just wanted to prove the point.

10. Give them Grace.  About halfway through the deployment, I stopped trying to do everything. You know what I mean….I gave up being on time (wasn't too hard, because I'm usually late all the time), trying to appear I had it together, and I think I wore the same thing for like 2 weeks straight. Please, don't judge me, my appearance, my children, the trash in my swagger wagon, the fact that we ate Popeye's in the middle of the living room picnic style… Just love them, and give them some extra grace because until you have been there, you have no idea how you would handle it.

That's it. Ten easy ways you can support a military family when they are going through a deployment.  Of course, many of this ideas could also apply to a family with a new baby, or a death in the family, or is just needing some extra love. Hopefully this inspires you to go and help out your local military family and gives you an idea of what it is like being the family left behind.

Michelle

Songs that inspired this post

Jason Gray "With Every Act of Love"
Hillsong United "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"

And, a funny video, proving that they have some fun deployed
(This is not my husband's crew, though!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeqDVduhX5Q

Day 27: Groundhog Syndrome

 Hello again. I fell off the face of the earth, seriously, sorry about that. We had friends visiting (traveling through from Hawaii to Colorado) last week, and we have friends visiting this week, too. I'm thankful for the distraction, honestly, because lately I feel like it's Groundhog day, just a continuous day, repeating itself over and over and over. I'm thankful this day I'm reliving doesn't include any sickness, but oh my word does it ever get annoying! I've been struggling lately, not reading my bible as much, not praying as much, and it's made me painfully aware of how fragile (read that in Francesco Bernoulli's voice, it's much funnier!) our flesh is! How weak and desperate we become when separated from the word. It's pathetic, really.

The dessert!

I mention this because if you happen to stalk my Facebook wall, it might appear that I have it "together" - smiling faces, instagram snaps of some amazing dessert I whipped up (recipe on the box, people!), cute stories of things the boys have said, our bulldog peacefully sleeping at my feet....it's not a true picture of what goes on here day in and day out. I read an article about how facebook is ruining people's lives, making them feel bad about themselves because everyone else's life looks "perfect." Don't believe for one second that I wake up with a smile on my face, quoting scripture, and baking fresh banana bread. Hardly. Don't get me wrong, I would love that to be the case, but 90% of the time, this is how things go:

1. Sometime around 2 or 3 am: 5-yr old comes into room (he may or may not have had a potty accident, and may or may not have changed his pants). He sneaks into bed and snuggles in. I try to feel if he is wet or just had a bad dream, if he's wet, I try to wake him up and get him to change his PJ's (I avoid walking around once I've been sleeping because my feet hurt so bad). I go back to sleep.

Boys being Boys!

2. 7 am: Reveille sounds right outside our window. This may or may not rouse the 3-yr old beast who is currently sleeping in my closet (I made his room into a guest room while my friends are visiting). If it does, he wakes up and does his best to be as loud as he can while voicing his concern over his lost binkie and misplaced blanket. Sometimes, by God's blessing, I find both of them and he goes back to sleep. Sometimes, if he wakes up, I can convince him to come into bed with me and sleep (or at least sniff).

3. 7:30 am: My Fitbit silent alarm goes off. I press the button and mentally debate getting up while my body drifts slowly back to sleep. I bribe my brain by promising coffee. It doesn't always work. My feet are still hurting from the 7 am limp to find the binkie blankie.

4. 8:12 am: I open my eyes, sort of. I can't see anything because my glasses have fallen off the table beside my bed. I feel around for my phone like a mole. (Thus my husband's nickname, "my little mole"). I try to get up quietly, as to not wake the two little warm bodies that are nestled in amongst the pillows of our Cal King.

5. 8:30 am: Limp painfully from bathroom to kitchen. Search for shoes so maybe my feet won't hurt as much. Think about exercising. Think about reading my bible. My brain starts to circle these thoughts: Maybe I could do both at the same time? Maybe the kids won't come out right away and I can have some quiet time? Maybe I should have woken up early and gotten my quiet time in already? Why am I so lazy? When are my feet going to stop hurting? Why didn't I buy cereal? Why didn't I buy creamer? Why is the commissary closed on Mondays? Did I make coffee? I don't remember drinking coffee. Where are my shoes? Do I smell poop? Did Frank poop?

"May-dough" with PPR

6. 8:32 am: I hear movement in the hallway and then a pair of eyes peeking around the corner. I can tell by the curly locks that it's Isaac. He is in sniff mode, and he runs to my perch at the computer. He asks to play a game on my iPhone. I tell him he needs to eat breakfast first. Amazingly, he acquiesces and pads into the kitchen to forage in the pantry. I still haven't read my bible. Still can't find my coffee.

7. 8:37 am: I've become a one-person cereal assembly-line. 4 bowls, 4 spoons, 4 cups. I like to color-code, but it doesn't always work out. I keep lustfully eyeballing my Keurig. I try to avoid direct eye contact with the sinkful of dishes I abandoned last night. There's someone trying to scale my leg. Someone is hunting for food in the pantry and telling my how much they don't want cereal. Again. I tell them they are blessed just to have food and think of all the children in the world who go hungry. This doesn't phase them. I contemplate withholding food until it ripens their compassion, but I don't think I could handle their whining.

First Injury of deployment!

8. 8:42 am: After major coaxing, everyone brought a cereal bowl to the table and we are all seated together. I forgot my coffee. I should probably eat, too. We pray (well, I pray, the boys take turns trying to make each other laugh). I get angry and reiterate the "why we should be quiet while we are praying" talk. I try to not get too mad because I know they are just kids. I get up to get coffee. No water in the Keurig and it has to be filled again. I think that it should be connected right to my fridge. I wonder if I'm really that lazy. I don't think I would make it on a missionary trip. I wonder if I will ever go on a missionary trip. I daydream some more, and the water overflows all over the cup, down the fridge, all over the floor. I'm not mad. The floor needs to be cleaned, anyway. I know I will never get to it today.

Pool shower Fort!

9. 8:47 am: The loudness level tells me the kids are done eating. I haven't even gotten the chance to sit down, haven't eaten, and now I'm searching for my coffee cup. I remember that yesterday, while I was packing the kids up in the car while breaking up arguments, I hit my head on the rear lift gate, dropped and shattered it. I nearly lost my testimony and almost said some choice words, holding back tears. Now I'm reminded of yesterday's failure and I feel helpless and defeated again. The dishes in the sink grow, so does my apathy. Coffee is growing cold now, of course. I remember I don't have creamer. I root around in the fridge for a substitute. I settle for Tru Whip. It's good. I cradle my warm coffee and retreat to my computer. The boys are settled in watching Justin Time. I think I might have 10 minutes of  blissful quiet. My bible is not within reach. I read my daily verse for the day. I want to read more, but now I'm caught in email.

10. 8:53 am: The boys are done watching and are now wrestling. My quiet time is over. My apathy is not. I glare at the dishes that won't wash themselves. I start my mental to-do list.

So, you get the idea. Trapped in my own small little, world. This is an easy day, I'm not complaining, my kids don't wake up early, we have enough food to eat, we have a wonderful house, it just gets to be overwhelming and I'm tired. I miss Jeff! :(  I've been trying to think about others I could help, because that makes me happy, but I feel like I'm drowning, myself. I know this is not where God wants me to live, feeling like this, but it's like I'm caught in this circular pattern sometimes and I can't seem to break free. Just keep praying for us!

Good things about Deployment

I was feeling a little overwhelmed last night, thinking about Jeff leaving so soon. At 11:27, I found myself wide awake, at the end of my Facebook news feed, Jeff sleeping soundly next to me, and my book splayed open, unusally unappealing.  So instead of focusing on the stress and worst-case scenarios, I started to think about the good things that this deployment might bring. Here's the list I came up with so far:

This Deployment will  may:

1. Force me to rely more on God.

2. Bring me to my knees in prayer more often.

3. Make me appreciate my husband and all he does for me and our boys.

4. Make me hunger after time with my husband (which I take for granted now).

5. Force me to rely on my friends and family, and allow them to help.

6. Erode the "supermom" mentality, which is too a high a standard, anyway.

7. Allow me to spend more quality time with the boys, and really enjoy them.

8. Give me an excuse to slow down, and appreciate everything we have.

9. Push me into a more disciplined routine.

10. Make me a better planner.

11. Encourage me to get out of my homebody shell.

12. Give me permission to not clean as much (lol).

13. Allow me to sneak in some sewing projects to pass the time.

14. Rekindle the communication in my marriage (we can only talk and write!)

15. Encourage me to be less self-reliant. (I'm notoriously self-sufficient - it's too prideful!)

16. Encourage other women who are going through the same thing.

17. Spend more time with God's word.

18. Put in some much-needed miles on the Elliptical (I've already started).

19. Give me an excuse to de-clutter, organize & deep-clean.

20. Bring me and my boys closer!

So, here's to glass-half-full thinking. Cheers!

http://coachdawnwrites.com/2012/09/are-optimists-better-coaches/glass-half-full/