Good things about Deployment

I was feeling a little overwhelmed last night, thinking about Jeff leaving so soon. At 11:27, I found myself wide awake, at the end of my Facebook news feed, Jeff sleeping soundly next to me, and my book splayed open, unusally unappealing.  So instead of focusing on the stress and worst-case scenarios, I started to think about the good things that this deployment might bring. Here's the list I came up with so far:

This Deployment will  may:

1. Force me to rely more on God.

2. Bring me to my knees in prayer more often.

3. Make me appreciate my husband and all he does for me and our boys.

4. Make me hunger after time with my husband (which I take for granted now).

5. Force me to rely on my friends and family, and allow them to help.

6. Erode the "supermom" mentality, which is too a high a standard, anyway.

7. Allow me to spend more quality time with the boys, and really enjoy them.

8. Give me an excuse to slow down, and appreciate everything we have.

9. Push me into a more disciplined routine.

10. Make me a better planner.

11. Encourage me to get out of my homebody shell.

12. Give me permission to not clean as much (lol).

13. Allow me to sneak in some sewing projects to pass the time.

14. Rekindle the communication in my marriage (we can only talk and write!)

15. Encourage me to be less self-reliant. (I'm notoriously self-sufficient - it's too prideful!)

16. Encourage other women who are going through the same thing.

17. Spend more time with God's word.

18. Put in some much-needed miles on the Elliptical (I've already started).

19. Give me an excuse to de-clutter, organize & deep-clean.

20. Bring me and my boys closer!

So, here's to glass-half-full thinking. Cheers!

http://coachdawnwrites.com/2012/09/are-optimists-better-coaches/glass-half-full/

Stages of Deployment: Stage 1, Denial

Are you there God? It's me, Michelle.

When I was a little girl, who doubted the very existence of God, that's how I started my feeble petitions to a God I wasn't sure even heard them. Hands pressed together, eyes closed, or looking upwards, laying in my twin bed, just before drifting off into the blissful sleep of youth.

I would continue from there to describe the town I lived in, the road, my house, my room....as if God used Google Earth to zoom in from Heaven to find me. As if he needed my help. I just wanted to be sure that before I asked (it was always asking, never praising) He understood who was doing the asking.  It makes me laugh now, because I'm thinking of God saying, "Oops, I gave that cute puppy to the wrong Michelle! Oh well, maybe I'll get it right next time, if she had only clarified where she lived." Ha, ha. It sounds absurd, now, right? Well, I guess it seems logical. I didn't know God, so I assumed God didn't know me!

Well, nowadays, God knows me and hears me. Although he may not answer in the way I think He should, He is in control and He knows what's best. Lately, though, I've been feeling like that little girl again - unsure about my place, needing to reconfirm myself before God, and I know it's because I've drifted away, ever so slightly, like a leaf gently falling down from it's branch. That's a lonely self-made place to be, and it hurts. The storms of life seem to rip you from your "tree" and you feel like you are being tossed around, losing balance, falling.

To me, that's what this pre-deployment time feels like. Armed with my "honey-do" lists, my "do before Jeff leaves" lists, and my mounting concerns about how I'm going to hold it together during this time apart, it reminds me of another time of waiting. Stay with me, here, because I'm about to compare waiting for deployment to the last few weeks of pregnancy. Seriously, the frantic nesting, cleaning, worries about when the baby comes, preparing meals, putting things in order, arranging child care...the analogy fits for me! Since Jeff found out a few months ago that he was actually going, I hid behind denial up until last week. I couldn't actually picture it happening, I convinced myself it was going to be cancelled, I couldn't imagine having to wake up with the kids, entertain them all day, and put them to bed at night alone. That overwhelms me. What about when I feel sick? Tired? Exhausted? Feel like never getting out of bed? (Hey, worst case examples are my default!) I know there are military women out there that have to deal with their husbands being gone for much longer than mine is going to be, but  it still just strikes me as something I don't want to ever do. (As if I have a choice in the matter!)

So, stage one is Denial. I've blasted past that, now, but what I'm experiencing now I would call the nesting phase. Planning, scheduling, cleaning, finishing projects as to alleviate as much stress ahead of time. The funny thing is, that when you are waiting for a baby to come, you do the same things, and when the baby gets here you realize that life goes on as usual, and most of what you did was overkill anyway. Funny how that works! We will see if it holds true for deployment, too. Life will still go on, as usual. Kids will get sick, meals will be prepared, and the house may or may not get clean. My hope is that I hang on to my sanity, and hold fast to God's grace and love, and that he shelters me through this season of our life!

Michelle

Our Deployment Journey begins!

Things are about to get C.R.A.Z.Y up in here! My husband, Jeff, is getting ready to deploy in a couple of weeks and I'm still in denial that this is really happening. We knew this day was coming, but the angst-ridden days are flying by so quickly now I can hardly catch my breath.  I've witnessed my friend's husband's deploy and return, read the facebook posts that paint a pretty good picture of what it's going to be like, but until it's our family's turn, I won't really know.

We took the boys to Florida for a week recently. It was awesome. We didn't do anything, really. Just vegetated at the beach or the pool. And took selfies at the beach:

Our Florida Vacation, May 2013

It was nice to pass the time because waiting is the hardest. As we nestle in to the final countdown until "the day daddy leaves" we make a nice cozy home for uncertainty, doubt, anxiety, and stress. My friends these are natural responses to a pending deployment, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Jeff wants to leave just to start the clock ticking until he comes home, but he worries about us and my sanity as he rides out his desert time.  And he has every right to worry, because daily life has been a little stressful lately! 

I want to share our family's deployment journey with you, not only as a cathartic exercise for my overactive brain, but as a source of encouragement. Because I have full confidence that God will bring us through this time apart, God will sustain our every need, God will counter my temporal feelings of being lonely, feeling helpless, tired, weary, and anxious with His love, peace, energy, and patience.  I'm counting on that!

Alright, first I am going to share my deployment survival plan. Because if I don't have a plan, I will feel like I'm constantly lost without purpose. This is the skeleton of my plan:

DEPLOYMENT SURVIVAL PLAN

1. Schedule our days: sounds easy, sounds boring. This is something I don't normally do, because I'm not crazy about scheduling stuff. It's funny, because as organized as I profess to be, I HATE schedules. My husband gets so frustrated with me on this one and even has the audacity to label me "undisciplined"! Ha! I'm also going to try to enforce an earlier bed time (for me, too) and wake up early to get a work out in without little people around.

2. Make meals easy: again, a no-brainer. But along with the scheduling, I'm going to make sure we have easy meals available so I don't lose my mind and feed them cereal every meal. (Hmmm...that doesn't sound so bad.....) I've already got a template going!

3. Plan care packages: I want to do a good job making sure that Jeff feels loved and connected to us.  I found a bunch of cool ideas on Pinterest here: http://pinterest.com/mcascio/deployment-cures/

4. Schedule "me" time and let people help: I'm definitely self-sufficient. Not in a proud I-can-do-it-all way, but more of a "I don't want to burden people with my crazy boys" sort of way.  I'm going to do exercise videos in the morning and ask for help so I can get away once a week!

5. Plan some fun activities: This is a pretty easy one. But even fun takes some organization. I want to have at least one fun day trip planned a month, and definitely easy trips to the pool, library, and other summer hot spots! 

So that's my plan. In the following days I'll share more about each list item. Talk to you soon!