Day 27: Groundhog Syndrome

 Hello again. I fell off the face of the earth, seriously, sorry about that. We had friends visiting (traveling through from Hawaii to Colorado) last week, and we have friends visiting this week, too. I'm thankful for the distraction, honestly, because lately I feel like it's Groundhog day, just a continuous day, repeating itself over and over and over. I'm thankful this day I'm reliving doesn't include any sickness, but oh my word does it ever get annoying! I've been struggling lately, not reading my bible as much, not praying as much, and it's made me painfully aware of how fragile (read that in Francesco Bernoulli's voice, it's much funnier!) our flesh is! How weak and desperate we become when separated from the word. It's pathetic, really.

The dessert!

I mention this because if you happen to stalk my Facebook wall, it might appear that I have it "together" - smiling faces, instagram snaps of some amazing dessert I whipped up (recipe on the box, people!), cute stories of things the boys have said, our bulldog peacefully sleeping at my feet....it's not a true picture of what goes on here day in and day out. I read an article about how facebook is ruining people's lives, making them feel bad about themselves because everyone else's life looks "perfect." Don't believe for one second that I wake up with a smile on my face, quoting scripture, and baking fresh banana bread. Hardly. Don't get me wrong, I would love that to be the case, but 90% of the time, this is how things go:

1. Sometime around 2 or 3 am: 5-yr old comes into room (he may or may not have had a potty accident, and may or may not have changed his pants). He sneaks into bed and snuggles in. I try to feel if he is wet or just had a bad dream, if he's wet, I try to wake him up and get him to change his PJ's (I avoid walking around once I've been sleeping because my feet hurt so bad). I go back to sleep.

Boys being Boys!

2. 7 am: Reveille sounds right outside our window. This may or may not rouse the 3-yr old beast who is currently sleeping in my closet (I made his room into a guest room while my friends are visiting). If it does, he wakes up and does his best to be as loud as he can while voicing his concern over his lost binkie and misplaced blanket. Sometimes, by God's blessing, I find both of them and he goes back to sleep. Sometimes, if he wakes up, I can convince him to come into bed with me and sleep (or at least sniff).

3. 7:30 am: My Fitbit silent alarm goes off. I press the button and mentally debate getting up while my body drifts slowly back to sleep. I bribe my brain by promising coffee. It doesn't always work. My feet are still hurting from the 7 am limp to find the binkie blankie.

4. 8:12 am: I open my eyes, sort of. I can't see anything because my glasses have fallen off the table beside my bed. I feel around for my phone like a mole. (Thus my husband's nickname, "my little mole"). I try to get up quietly, as to not wake the two little warm bodies that are nestled in amongst the pillows of our Cal King.

5. 8:30 am: Limp painfully from bathroom to kitchen. Search for shoes so maybe my feet won't hurt as much. Think about exercising. Think about reading my bible. My brain starts to circle these thoughts: Maybe I could do both at the same time? Maybe the kids won't come out right away and I can have some quiet time? Maybe I should have woken up early and gotten my quiet time in already? Why am I so lazy? When are my feet going to stop hurting? Why didn't I buy cereal? Why didn't I buy creamer? Why is the commissary closed on Mondays? Did I make coffee? I don't remember drinking coffee. Where are my shoes? Do I smell poop? Did Frank poop?

"May-dough" with PPR

6. 8:32 am: I hear movement in the hallway and then a pair of eyes peeking around the corner. I can tell by the curly locks that it's Isaac. He is in sniff mode, and he runs to my perch at the computer. He asks to play a game on my iPhone. I tell him he needs to eat breakfast first. Amazingly, he acquiesces and pads into the kitchen to forage in the pantry. I still haven't read my bible. Still can't find my coffee.

7. 8:37 am: I've become a one-person cereal assembly-line. 4 bowls, 4 spoons, 4 cups. I like to color-code, but it doesn't always work out. I keep lustfully eyeballing my Keurig. I try to avoid direct eye contact with the sinkful of dishes I abandoned last night. There's someone trying to scale my leg. Someone is hunting for food in the pantry and telling my how much they don't want cereal. Again. I tell them they are blessed just to have food and think of all the children in the world who go hungry. This doesn't phase them. I contemplate withholding food until it ripens their compassion, but I don't think I could handle their whining.

First Injury of deployment!

8. 8:42 am: After major coaxing, everyone brought a cereal bowl to the table and we are all seated together. I forgot my coffee. I should probably eat, too. We pray (well, I pray, the boys take turns trying to make each other laugh). I get angry and reiterate the "why we should be quiet while we are praying" talk. I try to not get too mad because I know they are just kids. I get up to get coffee. No water in the Keurig and it has to be filled again. I think that it should be connected right to my fridge. I wonder if I'm really that lazy. I don't think I would make it on a missionary trip. I wonder if I will ever go on a missionary trip. I daydream some more, and the water overflows all over the cup, down the fridge, all over the floor. I'm not mad. The floor needs to be cleaned, anyway. I know I will never get to it today.

Pool shower Fort!

9. 8:47 am: The loudness level tells me the kids are done eating. I haven't even gotten the chance to sit down, haven't eaten, and now I'm searching for my coffee cup. I remember that yesterday, while I was packing the kids up in the car while breaking up arguments, I hit my head on the rear lift gate, dropped and shattered it. I nearly lost my testimony and almost said some choice words, holding back tears. Now I'm reminded of yesterday's failure and I feel helpless and defeated again. The dishes in the sink grow, so does my apathy. Coffee is growing cold now, of course. I remember I don't have creamer. I root around in the fridge for a substitute. I settle for Tru Whip. It's good. I cradle my warm coffee and retreat to my computer. The boys are settled in watching Justin Time. I think I might have 10 minutes of  blissful quiet. My bible is not within reach. I read my daily verse for the day. I want to read more, but now I'm caught in email.

10. 8:53 am: The boys are done watching and are now wrestling. My quiet time is over. My apathy is not. I glare at the dishes that won't wash themselves. I start my mental to-do list.

So, you get the idea. Trapped in my own small little, world. This is an easy day, I'm not complaining, my kids don't wake up early, we have enough food to eat, we have a wonderful house, it just gets to be overwhelming and I'm tired. I miss Jeff! :(  I've been trying to think about others I could help, because that makes me happy, but I feel like I'm drowning, myself. I know this is not where God wants me to live, feeling like this, but it's like I'm caught in this circular pattern sometimes and I can't seem to break free. Just keep praying for us!

Days 11 & 12

Sometimes in life, I feel like I am drifting in this big ocean, getting tossed around by all the waves that come my way, and I'm just struggling to stay afloat. Lately it's felt a lot like that. Turbulent, stormy, and I've seemed to have navigated off course. Not that I'm headed for a waterfall or anything, but I've just forgotten where I was going in the first place! Has that ever happened to you? (Never mind the opening the fridge amnesia that strikes us all at some point, lol!)  Well, today the guiding beacon of a light house shone right through this storm, in the form of the family that runs the Travis Hospitality House. Carmen invited me to a bible study and before I could choose one of my myriad list of excuses, I decided to go. And what a blessing it was. The Nfaziger family is just an awesome example of Christ's body in action. Their passion for the advancement of the gospel and their love of people is so evident in their hospitality and encouragement so freely given. They minister to the men, women, and families of Travis Air Force Base, and they truly provide a "home away from home" atmosphere for people to enjoy and fellowship.  If you are looking to donate to a local missionary, please pray and consider donating to Sue & Sandy's Hospitality House - you can donate online through Cadence International. They host bible studies and serve at the Chapel on base, and run the PEAK internet coffee and Cafe near the dorms.  What a wonderful refuge for the single Airmen! Anyway, just wanted to give them some praise for the work they are doing for God's kingdom, and thankful that they are there!

We also got a new pool today for the boys. This is a particular blessing because a) we got it on sale even though the sale ended last week, and b) It provides unlimited entertainment for the boys on these endless hot summer days! So, the story behind the sale - yesterday, I went to the Target in Vacaville and they were all sold out of this pool that was on sale....so today, I went to Target in Fairfield with the specific intention of buying this pool if they had it in stock. Well, they did, but it wasn't on sale anymore. As the helpful salesperson pointed out, the sale ended at midnight. Well, I was probably going to end up buying it anyway, but it was a $20 price difference, so I had to really think about it, so I tried to harness my rowdy children into a quiet hush so I could hear my own thoughts, and I began to walk back towards the aisle where the pools were.  The other cashier, named Josh, asked me if I was only there to buy the pool, to which I replied sadly, "Yes." and explained what happened yesterday at the other target and how bummed out I was about missing the sale...well, he told me, "It's okay. I can do that price, no problem." I was seriously shocked. I mean, people usually aren't nice anymore, and most certainly aren't willing to go above and beyond and actually be helpful! (Sadly). Score! Seriously, I was so excited about that, I wrote his name down and I will make it a point to get him some good feedback on the store survey! (For the record, the worldly person in me immediately figured my credit card was going to be somehow pirated. I'll still check that, just to be sure...)

The boys patiently waited for what seemed like days for the pool to fill, and managed to suck out the last of my graciousness by the time it was finally ready for them to swim in. I'm such a manic mom sometimes, one second I'm hyping them up for the new pool, and the next second I'm yelling at them to pick up their room like-i-told-them-to-ten-times-already.  While they were waiting, I actually snapped a pic of them HELPING each other put on "gunscreen" as Isaac calls it. It made me forget what a miserable car ride it was earlier, which was wonderfully needed. I give this pool 3 days until it dies a quick, sad death serenaded with 3 little boy's laughter.

So, we have been busy, missing our "daddy" and creating summer memories....one that we almost crossed off our summer bucket list was "go to a drive-in movie." I say almost because we actually sat in traffic for over an hour and by the time we got to the gate, it was sold out! There was weeping and gnashing of teeth over this one, but I soothed the pain with Red Vines and popcorn and peanut butter m&m's! Who knew that the Drive-In was so popular?? Who knew you had to get there 2 HOURS early in order to be able to park? Well, now we do, and we will plan a little better next time, right Carmen? Lol. We actually set up the entire back of the van with the foam mattress, blankets & Pillows and we were ready to watch Monsters University! Oh well. 

Prayer for today:

Lord, you know the desires of my heart. You know I need you, and you patiently wait for me to turn my eyes toward you.  Lord, help me be a good steward of my time, and let me not forget where I am going in this life.  My purpose here is to do your will, to disciple my children and other women, and to love you.  Don't let me be distracted by this world and it's shallow and simple promises. I want to hold on to your promises, stay on the path you've created just for me. Help me be content in my situation and recognize that this time I have with my boys is so short. This life is a vapor, and it cannot be wasted. I turn my thoughts, heart, mind and soul over to you. I don't want control, navigate me through this storm so that I will end up in the safety of your arms. Amen.

Days 9 & 10

Happy 4th (and 5th)! I was so exhausted last night I couldn't even scroll through my facebook newsfeed. Now that's tired! We had a very uneventful Independence Day, which pleases me, because I hate crowds and drama! Actually, I dread going into any situation with more kids than I have hands. That part of me that needs to control situations just shrivels up and dies a slow painful death...usually taking my sanity down with it.

We started our day off with Pinterest-inspired cinnamon roll waffles, with cream cheese greek yogurt "diappage" (the boys dubbed anything you dip something into "dippage"- thus adding to the long dictionary of cascio-created terminology).  They were delicious! Even after my spinach-egg-white breakfast I managed to take one down. Sniff was the first to join me and gleefully broke the eggs for me and watched over the KitchenAid to make sure everything was getting mixed together. Notice the ear-sniffage. He wasn't fully awake yet, and still has to be attached to the "bink-blank" until food is ready. It's funny, Jeff and I always said he is the one who is a "crib to bib" kinda guy, and he still is!

E, of course, was very suspicious of the waffles because they had cinnamon-butter swirled in and looked different. He mistrusts anything that doesn't look like chocolate or ice cream right up front.  Once he tasted, he was sold (note Luke's expression, he was like, "See, I told you they are good!") They each ate about 3 waffles. I know Dyl is happy about all these ridiculous meals (the Turkey Pot pie was also unbelievable).  He says he was eating out a lot in Texas, and although they have bomb mexican food, there is nothing like mom's home cooking.  My plan is to show Dyl some key recipes so he will be able to impress his future wife....(hey, I can dream, you know, and there is nothing like preparing early)!

So after the sugar rush started to die down, we went to Papa Ralph's and swam in the pool, ate some lunch, and came home sporting some freshly burned skin. Oops. I DID slather them with sunscreen, but apparently 3 or 4 hours in the sun and pool is enough to wear it down!  Isaac had so much fun swimming and jumping in the pool, you would never know he hated water last year! Woog and E swam around with their mask and goggles and came out of the pool only to eat a couple bites of lunch. It was a great day!

Later that night, we got to enjoy the fireworks from the safety of the inside of our van - driving Papa Ralph and Mimi to the Airport. They are back in CT right now, getting ready to enjoy some family time   at the big Family Reunion! I wish we could go - but traveling cross-country with 4 kids is not going to happen.

Today had all the makings of a Monday. Except it's Friday. When you stay home and don't have anywhere to be, you lose track of what day of the week it is. Trust me. I finally got a new calendar with big squares and I smothered my fridge with it, hoping this will solve my forgetting problem. I even wrote down "put trash out" on Thursday, because I learned my lesson. And don't suggest I set up reminders on my phone, because most of the day my phone has it's own agenda, or finds it's way into grubby little hands eager to play apps!  For the first time since Jeff has been gone, I didn't make my step goal. I just couldn't do it today, my back is still scorched and I was working on my Commander's Retirement Program when I wasn't chasing little buns around the house!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for your grace. Thank you is all I can say, because I'm a mess, and my need for grace at times overwhelms me. I'm so thankful that you don't leave me to my own devices, because if I listened to my heart, I would surely be steered into a very dark place.  These past few days I have felt your presence, felt the lightness of hope lifting up my burdens and worries.  Please continue to work on my heart, and remind me to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life you have given us. Amen.

Day 8

My neighbors probably think I'm a weirdo by now, trolling the streets around 10:30 pm, pushing my isaac-filled stroller around the cul-de-sac until my fitbit registers 15K steps. I've been doing really well working out and getting my steps in, now I just have to work on getting done earlier in the day so I can go to sleep sometime before 11 pm! Isaac hasn't been sleeping well, either, and E keeps sneaking in my bed at night for various mumbled reasons (he doesn't really talk when he is trying to get away with something, just slurs something really quick and smiles and snuggles in - he knows the way to mommy's heart!) All the nighttime shenanigans leaves me dragging around the house in the morning, downing coffee and praying it kicks in so I can finish the 10,000 things I have going while J is gone.  

In Jeff news, he is doing well - he works noon - midnight, and he is able to facetime us almost everyday. I'm so thankful for technology. I just can't imagine not being able to talk to him or have the boys see him for months! He would probably go crazy if that was the case, because he loves his boys so much! Besides being bored on his off time, he is living a vacation life compared to here. Even Dylan is getting annoyed with the boys! I'm trying to stay consistent, but oh boy did God ever the situation to test my patience. They always say not to pray for patience, because it is a fruit of the spirit and if you are growing in Christ, you should naturally start to exhibit it - if so, my prayer would be for less situations in which to exercise patience! That's fair, right? Ha, ha. 

Today I was blessed by a few things (keeping up the positiveness). Carmen asked me to come over and talk for a while, and although I had a major construction project going on in my closet, I dragged myself over to hang out for a little while. I say "dragged" not because I don't want to go visit, but rather because I'm comfortably living out my hermit lifestyle....which is not healthy, and luckily I have friends that know that who reach out to encourage me. Also, the boys spied that Jimmy had his big waterslide up and they managed to invite themselves over to play! We ended up all going over and bringing our dinner over there and eating together with them. The picture is Isaac and one of his many possible future brides.* (Lanie, he loves you, too!) (*Note: they would make the cutest babies!)  It was nice to talk to adults, and take a break from the endless organization and cleaning! There won't be a nook or cranny left in this house that hasn't been cleaned, organized, sanded, painted, or donated by the time Jeff gets back. My project today was the master bedroom closet. I cleared out everything. I'm donating about a year's supply of clothes (don't worry, it probably came from the thrift store anyway) and then some! I can't show you any pictures because I want it to be a surprise for J! Tomorrow I will tackle turning Isaac's room back into a guest room. For now, the mattresses are still clogging up the hall, but the boys are using it as a fort, so it's all good. 

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for the friends you have placed in my life, in my neighborhood, because you know I work best with close proximity relationships!  Help me to bless others as much as they have blessed me today. Please continue to work out my relationship with Dylan, come into his life and let him know that he is loved by you, and me, and that his life is valuable and for a purpose.  Guide his heart, keep him close to you, Lord.  Thank you for my husband, for reminding me that he loves me all day - finding forgotten love notes and reading them again and remembering...let me not take for granted the wonderful man you have given me. Keep him safe and encourage him while he is away from home. Amen.

Day 7: one week down!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say your morning probably didn't involve scrubbing dog poop off your shoe with a toothbrush.  Well, that is how MY day started, so as you can extrapolate, it could only get better from there!  It's been one week, and I am happy to report zero casualties, mishaps, or near-miss reportables. I'd rate us at a 4 right now. No major discrepancies...(HSI on the brain!)

I may have just mixed together flight line and medical lingo, but you get the picture - we made it!  You might doubt my mental status if you were to see my house, however. There's a mattress in the hallway, piles of clothes all over my room, phone numbers written on diapers (okay, there's just one, but I couldn't find a piece of paper and I was in the bathroom at the time), and the boys room looks post-tornado level chaotic.  The reason for the hallway and clothes mess is the fact that I'm cleaning out our walk-in closet. We kept a full-sized mattress in there for when J was working nights (that way the kids didn't know he was even home and the clothes made it relatively sound-proof), and I'm moving it into Isaac's room because we are going to have some visitors soon! Robin and her boys and husband are coming and visiting a few days in transit to Colorado from Hawaii.  Yes, you may be thinking, I am crazy, hosting while my husband is away, but honestly, I welcome Robin into our home and consider her family. We got wayyyyyy back, she was neighbor when I lived on base with a then 3-yr old Dylan.  She helped me in so many ways, and if I can be as half as generous as she is, I'm going to do it! So, in true "shelley" fashion, I've made a mid-sized project into a total overhaul and made way more work for myself - but just wait until it's done! I'm going to be so excited because I won't have a closet full of clothes I can't wear, and J is going to be happy because it will no longer be the "clothes graveyard" - lol.  Hey, I can't help I've been every size and back again since having 3 babies in 4 years!

Today I broke loose from the "prison"! Carmen texted me earlier and told me she was feeling a bit like a prisoner in her house - and I told her I managed to break out, but all the inmates tagged along with me! We were joking around, but seriously, it does get tough feeling like you are "confined" to the house when you have 3 little ones to look after. Maybe I'm doing it totally wrong, but going out is not fun, it's more work than anything, at least when the little people outnumber you!  So, we finally made it out of the house around 3:30 pm. I attempted to program the swagger wagon's homelink thing for the garage door, but I gave up after 15 minutes and breaking up two fights over who had gum and who was sitting in which carseat (the minions were packed in the car while I was mcguyvering the remote thing.)  We went to Lowe's - got nothing that we went for, and spent an hour just walking around the cool cabinet and carpet areas. Man, do I ever get sucked in to the tile and backsplash displays!! So cool, all that material just waiting for action.  In our other lives, Jeff and I had a dream about flipping houses (doesn't everyone?) so going to Lowe's is like revisiting a fun alternate reality.  Hey, sometimes you need to escape yours temporarily! We almost made it out of the store without any fuss, but wouldn't you know, at the register (in the greenhouse area), I lost my testimony. Well, technically, I lost it a lot earlier after some stern, overly-harsh rebukes I was handing out near the paint section, but this was definitely the coup de grâce. While I was checking out, the boys took it upon themselves to saturate nearly every inch of their bodies with fountain water (from the display fountains).  Don't ask me how they did it, because I was just trying to figure out WHY they did it! They also found this small baggie that they filled with water and claimed to have caught "imaginary magic fish" and then cleverly smashed the bag so the magic fish and water spurted out in a perfect arc, landing all over the register and spraying the cashier.  She was a bit surprised, as was I, and before I turned my red-with-rage eyes towards the boys, I caught a glimpse of all the cashier's flair on her apron.  She had all these cool patches and it was clear she had been awarded them for something!  She told me it was for the build-it saturday workshop for kids, and even said I should bring the boys.  See, that is the blessing about having a touch of ADD. I'm easily distracted, and that brief moment was enough to stifle the burgeoning barrage of "correction" that was about to spill forth from my mouth. After I stopped being so irritated about the water incident, I realized the boys have a pretty good imagination and they were just having fun.

That was my day, pretty much, and now I welcome a good night's sleep, hopefully minus E sneaking in to bed in the middle of the night and keeping me up flopping all over the place!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for my boys. Thank you for their boundless imagination, their exuberant personalities and limitless energy. I wouldn't trade them for the world.  As much as I love them, I know that you love them more, help me to remember that and treat them like the precious gifts they are. Let me enjoy this time with them, creating memories and not just rushing through the days. Continue to grow my love and need for my husband, as I feel the burden of him being absent more and more each day.  Amen!

Day 6

Isaac, Luke & Jeff at Mt Hermon last Summer

Today was survival mode. I'm tired. I just got done jogging around the neighborhood with Isaac in the stroller (still awake) at 11 pm.  One of the good things about wearing a pedometer is that it convicts you to get all of your steps in...the bad thing is that when it's 10:30 and you just spent 30 minutes trying to inflate the stroller tire after tracking down the air pump, you are still talking yourself into running outside to add in 1,200 more steps.  I'm all over the place, morning's good intentions melted into afternoon chaos and a cleaning frenzy. The cleaning helps make me feel like I'm controlling something, and the chaos was inflicted by my lovely little minions 2, 3 & 4. (#1 is pretty much past the point of causing problems, thank God!)  We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, big flaky cinnabon-type. They were delectable, and yes, I savored every last bite! (Diet starts tomorrow?)

I also managed to finally throw together a couple of turkey pot pies with homemade crust. I froze one for the inevitable night that I don't have anything made nor the desire to make anything!  The homemade crust is a point of pride, because after all these years (okay only like 7 or 8), I had yet to come across the perfect crust recipe. I finally found it on Pioneer Woman's website, and it is solid gold, I tell ya. Here's the recipe (yes, I'll share, because this is too good not to!): http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/12/p-p-p-pie_crust_and_its_p-p-p-perfect/
It's so simple, I'm almost ashamed I failed so many times before! I think the secret is the vinegar. I've used regular, Apple Cider and even Balsamic White, and it works just the same.  Don't overwork it, though. The crust can be frozen, refrigerated, or used right away (although I do recommend following her instructions on popping it in the fridge so it's easier to work with before you use it).  I'll never by the store-made stuff again, it's that easy and good!

After all the kitchen action, I "unplugged" the boys and made them do a couple of chores. Easy ones, but it's the routine that matters (right, Jeff?) and it helps adjust Luke's attitude. At some point I want to reinstate the paid chore charts, but I'm just too exhausted to try and do that by myself right now. After chores, they played in the backyard in our sad little slowly-deflating blow up pool.  It really is pathetic, but it does the job on hot days like we've been having, and I honestly can't imagine dragging the kids to Walmart to get another one.  I'll need some serious motivation for that trip!

Speaking of trips, I'm trying to plan a couple for our summer without daddy....Sarah invited us to come visit at the end of July, so that's one, and we are seriously considering going to Mt. Hermon, a Christian Family Camp, again. We've gone every year for the past 3 years, and we are absolutely in love with being there.  When I think about it, I can smell the air, picture the trees and the beautiful sanctuary. It's surreal when we are actually there, and the kids can't get enough.  I'm just feeling kind of sad that Jeff won't be there, and I don't want to tag along with the other families I know who are going and wreck their family time. On the other hand, it would be nice to have child care for the week and all the meals cooked and to get to go to church twice and hear awesome messages and just soak in the Santa Cruz redwoods! I guess I'll call tomorrow and see if they have any availability.

Today was rather uneventful, which I guess is a blessing, you know. Oh, a couple really cool things happened - one of my Airman got promoted to SSgt!! So happy and excited for her, she deserves it and it's been a long time coming! It's been a nightmare because our military system that tracks all that stuff was down and when it came back up a lot of stuff wasn't accurate...well, finally some good news!  I got to call her and tell her today, I love making those calls!  And, we finally got to talk to Jeff again. We've been trying to call, but haven't been able to get through. We facetimed today, which is so great- he gets to see everyone and they get to see him. The boys still haven't registered that he is really far away and will be gone for a long time. Tonight, on our 11 pm run, Isaac said, "Daddy's car is here, mom, is Daddy inside?" and he was really confused when I told him he wasn't.  I know he doesn't understand, and he is starting to really miss his daddy.

Time for bed, I have to get up before "snee" wakes up and steals the jumbo marshmallows from the pantry in the morning!

Prayer for today:

Lord, thank you for the technology that we take for granted. The ability to see and talk to Jeff while he is deployed is priceless. It doesn't feel like he is that far away, even though he is.  Comfort the boys when they don't understand and they miss their daddy, and give me strength to face each new day.  Please, help me not to seclude myself from everyone, but instead reach out and ask for help. I know that you have placed me here and provided people in my life that I can count on. Closing another day, I cannot help but realize I failed again today - I've let my situation and frustration prevail and guide my actions. Forgive me for being so selfish and let me not dwell in that sin.  Tomorrow is a new day, fresh with your grace, which is abundant and enough for countless days of my failure! Be with my husband so he isn't lonely, and keep him safe.  Amen.