Day 5

Today was the hardest day yet. I don't know if it's because it's Sunday or I woke up with not only my feet hurting, but my arms, too...hmmmmm...whatever the reason I was definitely a little more short with the kids than I have been lately. We actually got up and were out the door and on our way to church at 8:45, which is a small miracle.  (Praise the Lord!) The VBS kids were going to be called up on stage to sing one of the songs they sang all week so the boys wore their shirts (which I accidently threw in the wash with my muddy gear so two bleach cleanings later and 30 seconds before we left the house, the shirts were dry. Phew.) E was just as excited as Luke to get up there, but I think it's because he was infatuated with "Lady Rock" (one of the VBS leaders in charge who wore a tiara and a red "robe."  It was really cute because at one point in the song they lock arms and dance around with a partner, and they both went for Lady Rock, so she had to make it work! Then I went to bring E into class and discovered there was some mayhem going on in the 4-5 yr old room so I volunteered myself and Dylan to help out during the service. I hope that E was better behaved for Mrs. Debbie during 2nd  service (we ended up staying so we could hear the sermon) because he was kind of crazy for me.  He did have some help, though, there were a couple other boys who appeared to have sugar-ladened breakfasts as well. The boys just had cereal for breaky so I let them have some "do-tees" in between services since they were "staaaaarrrrrrvvvvvvvviiiinnng." Then, my flip flop strap broke, and I had to abandon them and go barefoot the rest of church.  It was just as  well, though, because if I had functioning footwear, I might have dropped some serious dough at Trader Joe's (Trader Jizzos as my husband likes to affectionately call it).  Instead, we went home and did pretty much nothing. Well, I checked some things off the list, but nothing major. I fixed the popped tire on my Phil & Ted's - by scavenging a tire from the broken toddler bike! My dad would be so proud! I even broke a tool trying to get the tire to go onto the rim, but my determination won and I managed to smoosh it on there. I also washed the entire stroller, and scrubbed everything I couldn't throw in the washing machine.  Then we took a quick bike ride to the library to return our OVERDUE movies and a couple of books. Check 2 for the day! Then lastly, I played in the garden a bit, tying up some tomato plants, picking some weeds, and pruning the cilantro, basil and mint.  Not entirely sure of what I'm doing, but it seems to be working okay.  The golden cherry tomatoes are the best! I used them to decorate my salad and nearly ate all of them just popping in my mouth anytime I walked by the kitchen.

After a quick quesadilla dinner (don't judge me, I was going to make Turkey Pot Pie, but I didn't make the crust yet and it's soooo hot out), the boys watched 101 dalmatians and I made some popcorn.  Then, Brooke stopped by to say goodbye....(tear) they are driving to Florida tomorrow morning, they got orders, and like everyone else we meet, they are moving on and we are still here! Luke is really sad that Riley isn't going to be around anymore, and he wants us to move to Florida so we can live right down the street from him.  I wish! Maybe one day. 

I am beginning to really miss Jeff. Although it's been really nice to close the bathroom and closet door when I sleep (he likes them open) and not to stress about my nails being painted all the time, I would love to see him walk in the door tonight like he usually does and go through his entire bedtime "routine"! (Yes, he has one, he is very particular!)....I love him so much, and I am glad that I have this opportunity to feel how much I need him.  

Prayer for today:

Lord, thank you for my husband and everything he does for our family. Thank you for his career and his zeal for you and your word. Help me to be a better wife and think of his needs above my own - it is so easy for me to get lost in my self-made sea of tasks and not even recognize that he is the lifeboat you have given to save me. How foolish am I to think I can make it through without him! Lord, like David cried out - "Please, forgive my sins, for I have sinned against you" I'm handing over any of my idols - self-reliance, pride, anger, all of it. Please take them from me and bring me closer to you.  Use this time to chisel away at all those rough areas in my faith - for you know there are many. Amen.

Day 4

Pretty Muddy! Yes, indeed we were. It was an easy 5K, and it was fun! The obstacles were pretty easy, and this time around we brought our phones, so we could take pics of all the dirty action! We started the day with our cute pink tutus, pink Air Force shirts, and excitement, and we ended up looking like that pic to the left! I am so thankful for these ladies and their positive attitudes and encouragement. Also, we met Danette's friend Kate, who is a pilot, and really sweet, as she waited for us and took pics and lended her clean hands when we were completely covered and unable to take pics and open bottles! (No kidding.)

If you've never done one of these mud runs, I highly recommend it. It is fun, and even if you aren't a great runner, you'll be fine. There are lots of stops, water areas, and you are so busy from one obstacle to the next, it's hardly like you are running at all! PPR watched the boys, and they were there regular, angelic selves. (An by angelic, I mean insanely uncooperative and ornery, with short spasms of compliance.) I had a nice break from all that, though. :) yay.

On another note, all these pictures gave me fresh inspiration to work out a little more and start my clean eating plan. I came home from the run and finished off another 10,000 steps to hit over 20K for the day.  One of my goals while J is gone is to lose weight and stay consistently working out - so far, so good. I've actually been furiously exercising since May 16th - but apparently I'm lacking the diet key, so that is my next overhaul.

I'm really tired tonight, which is why it's 9 pm right now and I'm trying to bribe IZ and Luke to fall asleep next to me. So far it isn't working, but I should get points for trying. My feet are hurting, I'm starving and I'm trying to debate whether I should eat or not, and my head is trying really hard to ache. I'm going to try to get these guys to sleep!

Today's Prayer:

Father, thank you for your provisions and guiding hand today, keeping us safe through our travels and during the run, and for the conversations and friendship we enjoyed today. Thank you for placing ladies in my life who constantly inspire, encourage and challenge me. Thank you for the ability to run when other's can't - thank you for all of the volunteers who worked and organized the race for all the ladies today.  Lord, we talked about your providence in each of our lives, how you protected us even before we ever heard your voice or acknowledged our foolish, self-condemning sins. I'm so thankful for that undeserved forgiveness in my life - please open other's eyes and hearts and pull them into your  gravitational grace.

Day 3

People keep telling me it's going to get easier. I laugh and try to believe them, but the truth is, if I let myself think about how much time is left, I get overwhelmed. I woke up this morning at 7:00 (which is actually pretty early for me) to the sound of the garbage truck and the sinking realization that I  Dylan forgot that Friday was trash day.  Ordinarily, I could care less which day of the week it is, unless it's reserve weekend. I lost that battle, and we shall have an overflowing abundance of recyclestuffs for next week. You see, in the morning I'm the equivalent of a 70-yr old because of my plantar fasciitis. My first steps are so incredibly painful it causes me to hobble awkwardly to the bathroom, where I spend my entire mirror routine stretching out my traitor arches and heels.  Trying to rush out to get the trash to the curb without contacts or working feet would have been some serious entertainment for someone in the neighborhood!

 Tonight was a windows-open-i-need-to-repent-for-yelling-so-much kinda night. The grace that I am sometimes able to muster up had vacated and left a vacuous hole of impatience and anger. I hate feeling out of control, frustrated that things are not going my way, tired, grouchy, with way to much stuff on my to do list and no more minutes left to do.  I guess that's why people said you have to just relax and realize not everything is going to get done.  Easier said than done for someone who creates lists with checkboxes just to get the satisfaction of checking them off. (You know you do, too.)  

On the positive side, my friend Allyson watched the kids (my kids plus JJ) so I could go to the commissary without having a mental breakdown. That was nice. I was tempted to run away, but I wouldn't do that to Allyson!! Have you ever noticed how much your attitude changes when you get to go grocery shopping all by yourself (without minions hitting each other over the head with canned items or screaming unnecessarily just to get their brothers attention?) If not, you really must experience the solo trip. I was able to stick to the list and help some older people get their groceries and everything.  My mind wandered while I listened to Alistair Begg's recent sermon series (http://www.truthforlife.org) and pondered what kind of ice cream the kids might like to try. How amazing is that! My very own thoughts -- and I could hear them, for once! Good times, I tell ya.

Also, tomorrow I will running in the "Pretty Muddy" women's 5K in Sacramento. I just picked up my shirt and cute little (although completely non-utilitarian) pink tutu that I will be sporting as I gracefully trudge through muddy obstacles. I doesn't sound fun when I describe it like that, but it really is fun! And, PPR is watching the boys for me! Yay. I'll post pictures tomorrow.

Last positive note - Sarah presented me with this beautiful gift tonight - (besides Naan, which was delicious!) It's awesome. She is so thoughtful and generous - and she is an awesome decorator, too!  Thank you, Sarah! They will be driving back to Washington tomorrow and then coming back next month. We might drive up to visit them next month, too, just trying to figure out the logistics.  It's awesome having friends that move away, but come visit all the time! :) 

We didn't get to talk to Jeff today, and I'm afraid to call him because I don't know what his sleep schedule is like yet. I'm starting to miss him, and I even caught myself thinking that he was home because his car was parked in the back.  :(  Day 3 down.

Prayer for Today:

Lord, help me continue to "see" and appreciate the blessings during this deployment. Continue to draw me close and strengthen me and remind me to live in this moment, not fretting about tomorrow or the other 100+ days to follow, but to really be present and enjoy each day with a renewed sense of purpose and vision. Lord, I know that you want me to live a full life, and I thank you that you have given me friends and family that are so willing to help and encourage me.  Keep watch over my husband and all of the deployed Military men and women away from their families. Amen.

Day Two!

Today was a pretty good day! Thanks in large part to Papa Ralph (PPR) and Mimi, who came and scooped up  "Tiger Woogs" and "Snedeker" (after "snee") for a nice golf lesson with the First Tee program.  PPR also surprised Joshie with a new "real" bag, and his smaller one will be passed down to IZ, who is eager for his turn to go "goffing"!  Ralph said they did really well, and he even got to coach some of the kids because there were so many kids.  He said he bribed all the kids with a piece of gum if they made their putts. I have a feeling he was the favorite teacher today! Lol, Papa Ralph and his bottom-less pocket of goodies!

I got a few things done, but more importantly, I wrote my whole to-do list down (organized by category) on a self-made form (with checkboxes, thank you!)....because after searching online for far too long, I couldn't find one I liked. Anyway, my list is quite lofty right now, lots of errands to run, projects to complete and shopping to do....so many empty checkboxes, not enough time! Today I put Jeff's grill in the closet (no small feat if you've seen our disaster of an outside closet) so Frank won't be tempted to chew the wheels off of it - he's already gotten to the lawn mower, RIP.  I also went through all the boy's shoes and chose some to donate. (Don't worry, Jeff, all the Jordans made the cut!) And lastly, I trimmed the little sheepdog's hair right before he went golfing. I didn't want it to mess with his game!  So, three things down, and technically, four, if you count actually making the list in the first place! 

We got to see Jeff and talk to him today on FaceTime - which I think is still weird. I'm going to have to get used to seeing myself on the screen...and putting on makeup when I see Jeff calling.  He is doing good, drinking lots of water! He did his gangsta' desert face for me and I snapped a screenshot. Lol. I'm so thankful for technology that allows us to see and talk with each other. I can't imagine how it used to be when you had to wait for a letter in the mail whenever the mail got it to you! 

Tonight, Sarah and Carmen came and hung out and IZ and Lanie got to spend some time together playing. They are so adorable, and they play really well together. Lanie was really putting IZ in his place, it was pretty hilarious. We made Orange Chicken and I whipped up a peach-strawberry-blueberry tart. So yummy! PPR picked the boys up from VBS and brought them to BK for some promised burgers. What a great night for them and us! I'm so thankful for friends and downtime!

So, trying my best to be positive! Tomorrow should be a test of my patience, as I will have to venture out of the house and somehow manage to get Frank to the Vet Clinic by 8 am for the removal of his manly parts.  He's been such a spaz, and hopefully this will calm him down a little.  I'm a little stressed about the logistics of carrying him into the clinic (He's like 60 pounds) and his recovery.  Prayers for me, tomorrow! Then, I'm going to the commissary for so much needed shelf-stocking.  Allyson is going to take the kids for me so it should be a rather blissful hour and a half alone! Small victories over here, people!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, help me be thankful and recognize all the blessings you send to me disguised as friends, family, and even food!  Help me face each day with a renewed strength that only you can provide. Be with my husband as he acclimates to the heat of the desert and his new job, help my boys adjust to our new routine with their daddy being gone.  Energize me so that I can serve others, let me have open eyes for those opportunities, and a softened heart that bends to your will. Help me to remain joyful - content, patient, and faithful. 

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

-Romans 12:10-12

Day One.

For those of you just tuning in, we are an Air Force family undergoing our first deployment - Daddy will be home, God willing, in early November).

So, we've officially made it through days "zero" and "one" without any major injuries, illnesses, or catastrophes. I'll chalk that up on the "success" side! It's been sort of normal ops around here - considering J just got on a plane yesterday and we had our weepy goodbyes and he endured a 17.5 hour plane ride to his home for the next four or so months. The boys still don't have any idea what is really going on and IZ keeps asking me if I'm leaving, too. I think he is concerned that people just leave and don't come back home...he doesn't understand, for sure (He's 3).

Yesterday was a little bit crazy. Jeff left early to bring his bags to the terminal and check in, then came dashing back to the house to wake me up (we all had a late night) and tell me they were boarding at 0730 so I had to get the kids and come NOW. He had the deployment manager drive him back to the terminal and left me about 20 minutes to rush and get everyone ready (uniforms for the boys!) and meet him there to say our goodbyes. Well, with God's assistance (I'm sure!) we made it. We got to hang out, take some pictures, and even go to the "Gate" with him (which is actually a waiting area before a bus takes you over to the plane). The boys played ping pong and livened up the scene with their wrestling and boy energy! Jeff and I kind of made small talk and waited for the time they called for them to get on the bus, but that time never came! They said there was going to be a delay....so I took the boys to get donuts and grab Jeff a breakfast sandwich and come back. I rushed over to the coffee shop and was in there when Jeff called me and told me to forget about the breakfast, they were going to board early. That was it, that was all I needed to hear. The tears slid down my face (as the coffee lady stared at me crazily, wondering what I was doing just sitting around crying!) and my throat constricted with all the words I couldn't say. It's good that Jeff is a talker, because he filled the void with words that could have been my own. He said, "We take it for granted. The time we have together - we take each other for granted, wasting time and not really being grateful for the things we've been given, the people that God has placed in our lives, the grace that he's shown us. We take it all for granted. I'm so sorry for anything I've said to hurt you, or the time I've wasted not telling you how much I love you and our boys. With the way we've been treating each other lately, this is what we deserve. Time apart to really realize how much we need and love each other. I love you". I mean, that's nearly word for word, but my memory probably corrected some of his grammar, ha ha. He is right. As usual. My husband is a "seeker of truth"  and he is usually able to cut right to the heart of matters with ruthless precision. I've always told him he would make a good cop or detective, because he has a way of making you face the truth, even if you are lying to yourself. But he does it in a way that makes you like him, rather than want to stab him with fork in his eye. (Okay, sometimes I might think that but usually when he is telling me to "suck it up and just run" when my feet are just dying...plantar fasciitis, thank you.)

Me, I'm better with words on paper. The words need time to marinate in the juices of my thoughts before escaping my mouth. Otherwise, my social awkwardness creeps in and I start pointing out insignificant facts only nerds like me find interesting. (Recently, I weirded out a Fleet Feet shoe girl by insisting that I couldn't possibly buy the shoes I was trying on because the laces reminded me of tape worms, all flat and segmented and stretchy. I mean, if you have ever seen a tapeworm for real, you would be on my side, here.) At any rate, my husband gets the short end of the deal, because I don't communicate feelings very well at all. I'm hoping that this deployment will give us some time to really express ourselves in alternate ways! I'm trying to stay optimistic here.

On a positive note, the boys have a couple cool things going on this week - first and foremost, their buddy JJ is visiting from Washington! JJ and Luke are about a year apart - and they are seriously Jason and Jeff reincarnated. It's hilarious to watch those two goofballs together! They have been having a great time together, but I think JJ was a little over-stimulated after spending half the week with the boys and my warden alter-ego. He asked if he could go stay in his hotel room tonight! Lol. Sarah said there is definitely too much action going on for him, being here could definitely amp anyone up to the point of craziness, for sure. I'm surprised it only took a few days. Also, the boys have Vacation Bible School this week, too! It's a night at our church (Parkway) and it is such a blessing for both me and them. They are having tons of fun, sugar, songs, and crafts, and I'm having time with just Isaac. Yesterday, Carmen  brought her girls, too, and while they were there, we went to World Market. I had a plan to pick up something for my sister and dad, but I walked out with 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of Abita strawberry Harvest Ale, a butter spreader, sesame wafers, 2 sodas, an ICEE candy spray bottle, and some Thai Tea. Yes, I had to recant everything I bought so you could laugh and the randomness. Originally I wasn't planning on drinking at all while Jeff is gone, but I justified it because Sarah is visiting and we can just chill and talk and enjoy some wine together. After a tough day of wrangling kids, it's a small little blessing of relaxation. (Don't get all judgy, I'm a Christian, and I can have a drink without getting all crazy. Moderation, motivation, survival).  Also, Carmen bought me a loofah and some Magnolia soap when I wasn't looking and tried, unsuccessfully, to sneakily put it in my bag as we got out to get the kids at church. So sweet! I will forever associate the smell of Magnolia with Jeff being deployed now. Ha, ha.

Alright, It's way passed my bedtime now, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning, because there is no slowing the steady stream of my need for his Grace every day. I love the reminder from the prophet Jeremiah, who is choosing to look past his corporal afflictions and see the good, praising the Lord for his providence and faithfulness:

"The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.²³  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.²⁴ “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“Therefore I have hope in Him.”²⁵  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.    

 - Lamentations 3:22-25 

Prayer for Today:

Lord, we know where Grace abounds, no bitterness can take root.  Help me continually focus on you, not on my own small circumstances, difficulties, trials, and pain. I want to place my Hope in you alone, not anything else on the earth, because nothing can fill my aching soul other than your love and forgiveness. What an awesome truth to go to sleep pondering - Your compassion and lovingkindness are new EVERY morning. Help me remember that Lord, and to come and drink from that eternal spring of your faithfulness, daily! Please keep my husband safe while he is away, use him to spread your good news to those who don't know you or haven't heard Your name. Use me to encourage and support other military wives who have to endure a deployment - increase my faithfulness, drown my doubt with your absolute blessings and favor. Help me remember that this is temporary, and your desire is for me to thrive, even in this circumstance, because it could be much worse. Help me be thankful for those who reach out and help, and to be grateful for all that you have given us -- even this. Amen.