People keep telling me it's going to get easier. I laugh and try to believe them, but the truth is, if I let myself think about how much time is left, I get overwhelmed. I woke up this morning at 7:00 (which is actually pretty early for me) to the sound of the garbage truck and the sinking realization that I Dylan forgot that Friday was trash day. Ordinarily, I could care less which day of the week it is, unless it's reserve weekend. I lost that battle, and we shall have an overflowing abundance of recyclestuffs for next week. You see, in the morning I'm the equivalent of a 70-yr old because of my plantar fasciitis. My first steps are so incredibly painful it causes me to hobble awkwardly to the bathroom, where I spend my entire mirror routine stretching out my traitor arches and heels. Trying to rush out to get the trash to the curb without contacts or working feet would have been some serious entertainment for someone in the neighborhood!
Tonight was a windows-open-i-need-to-repent-for-yelling-so-much kinda night. The grace that I am sometimes able to muster up had vacated and left a vacuous hole of impatience and anger. I hate feeling out of control, frustrated that things are not going my way, tired, grouchy, with way to much stuff on my to do list and no more minutes left to do. I guess that's why people said you have to just relax and realize not everything is going to get done. Easier said than done for someone who creates lists with checkboxes just to get the satisfaction of checking them off. (You know you do, too.)
On the positive side, my friend Allyson watched the kids (my kids plus JJ) so I could go to the commissary without having a mental breakdown. That was nice. I was tempted to run away, but I wouldn't do that to Allyson!! Have you ever noticed how much your attitude changes when you get to go grocery shopping all by yourself (without minions hitting each other over the head with canned items or screaming unnecessarily just to get their brothers attention?) If not, you really must experience the solo trip. I was able to stick to the list and help some older people get their groceries and everything. My mind wandered while I listened to Alistair Begg's recent sermon series (http://www.truthforlife.org) and pondered what kind of ice cream the kids might like to try. How amazing is that! My very own thoughts -- and I could hear them, for once! Good times, I tell ya.
Also, tomorrow I will running in the "Pretty Muddy" women's 5K in Sacramento. I just picked up my shirt and cute little (although completely non-utilitarian) pink tutu that I will be sporting as I gracefully trudge through muddy obstacles. I doesn't sound fun when I describe it like that, but it really is fun! And, PPR is watching the boys for me! Yay. I'll post pictures tomorrow.
Last positive note - Sarah presented me with this beautiful gift tonight - (besides Naan, which was delicious!) It's awesome. She is so thoughtful and generous - and she is an awesome decorator, too! Thank you, Sarah! They will be driving back to Washington tomorrow and then coming back next month. We might drive up to visit them next month, too, just trying to figure out the logistics. It's awesome having friends that move away, but come visit all the time! :)
We didn't get to talk to Jeff today, and I'm afraid to call him because I don't know what his sleep schedule is like yet. I'm starting to miss him, and I even caught myself thinking that he was home because his car was parked in the back. :( Day 3 down.
Prayer for Today:
Lord, help me continue to "see" and appreciate the blessings during this deployment. Continue to draw me close and strengthen me and remind me to live in this moment, not fretting about tomorrow or the other 100+ days to follow, but to really be present and enjoy each day with a renewed sense of purpose and vision. Lord, I know that you want me to live a full life, and I thank you that you have given me friends and family that are so willing to help and encourage me. Keep watch over my husband and all of the deployed Military men and women away from their families. Amen.
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