Day One.

For those of you just tuning in, we are an Air Force family undergoing our first deployment - Daddy will be home, God willing, in early November).

So, we've officially made it through days "zero" and "one" without any major injuries, illnesses, or catastrophes. I'll chalk that up on the "success" side! It's been sort of normal ops around here - considering J just got on a plane yesterday and we had our weepy goodbyes and he endured a 17.5 hour plane ride to his home for the next four or so months. The boys still don't have any idea what is really going on and IZ keeps asking me if I'm leaving, too. I think he is concerned that people just leave and don't come back home...he doesn't understand, for sure (He's 3).

Yesterday was a little bit crazy. Jeff left early to bring his bags to the terminal and check in, then came dashing back to the house to wake me up (we all had a late night) and tell me they were boarding at 0730 so I had to get the kids and come NOW. He had the deployment manager drive him back to the terminal and left me about 20 minutes to rush and get everyone ready (uniforms for the boys!) and meet him there to say our goodbyes. Well, with God's assistance (I'm sure!) we made it. We got to hang out, take some pictures, and even go to the "Gate" with him (which is actually a waiting area before a bus takes you over to the plane). The boys played ping pong and livened up the scene with their wrestling and boy energy! Jeff and I kind of made small talk and waited for the time they called for them to get on the bus, but that time never came! They said there was going to be a delay....so I took the boys to get donuts and grab Jeff a breakfast sandwich and come back. I rushed over to the coffee shop and was in there when Jeff called me and told me to forget about the breakfast, they were going to board early. That was it, that was all I needed to hear. The tears slid down my face (as the coffee lady stared at me crazily, wondering what I was doing just sitting around crying!) and my throat constricted with all the words I couldn't say. It's good that Jeff is a talker, because he filled the void with words that could have been my own. He said, "We take it for granted. The time we have together - we take each other for granted, wasting time and not really being grateful for the things we've been given, the people that God has placed in our lives, the grace that he's shown us. We take it all for granted. I'm so sorry for anything I've said to hurt you, or the time I've wasted not telling you how much I love you and our boys. With the way we've been treating each other lately, this is what we deserve. Time apart to really realize how much we need and love each other. I love you". I mean, that's nearly word for word, but my memory probably corrected some of his grammar, ha ha. He is right. As usual. My husband is a "seeker of truth"  and he is usually able to cut right to the heart of matters with ruthless precision. I've always told him he would make a good cop or detective, because he has a way of making you face the truth, even if you are lying to yourself. But he does it in a way that makes you like him, rather than want to stab him with fork in his eye. (Okay, sometimes I might think that but usually when he is telling me to "suck it up and just run" when my feet are just dying...plantar fasciitis, thank you.)

Me, I'm better with words on paper. The words need time to marinate in the juices of my thoughts before escaping my mouth. Otherwise, my social awkwardness creeps in and I start pointing out insignificant facts only nerds like me find interesting. (Recently, I weirded out a Fleet Feet shoe girl by insisting that I couldn't possibly buy the shoes I was trying on because the laces reminded me of tape worms, all flat and segmented and stretchy. I mean, if you have ever seen a tapeworm for real, you would be on my side, here.) At any rate, my husband gets the short end of the deal, because I don't communicate feelings very well at all. I'm hoping that this deployment will give us some time to really express ourselves in alternate ways! I'm trying to stay optimistic here.

On a positive note, the boys have a couple cool things going on this week - first and foremost, their buddy JJ is visiting from Washington! JJ and Luke are about a year apart - and they are seriously Jason and Jeff reincarnated. It's hilarious to watch those two goofballs together! They have been having a great time together, but I think JJ was a little over-stimulated after spending half the week with the boys and my warden alter-ego. He asked if he could go stay in his hotel room tonight! Lol. Sarah said there is definitely too much action going on for him, being here could definitely amp anyone up to the point of craziness, for sure. I'm surprised it only took a few days. Also, the boys have Vacation Bible School this week, too! It's a night at our church (Parkway) and it is such a blessing for both me and them. They are having tons of fun, sugar, songs, and crafts, and I'm having time with just Isaac. Yesterday, Carmen  brought her girls, too, and while they were there, we went to World Market. I had a plan to pick up something for my sister and dad, but I walked out with 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of Abita strawberry Harvest Ale, a butter spreader, sesame wafers, 2 sodas, an ICEE candy spray bottle, and some Thai Tea. Yes, I had to recant everything I bought so you could laugh and the randomness. Originally I wasn't planning on drinking at all while Jeff is gone, but I justified it because Sarah is visiting and we can just chill and talk and enjoy some wine together. After a tough day of wrangling kids, it's a small little blessing of relaxation. (Don't get all judgy, I'm a Christian, and I can have a drink without getting all crazy. Moderation, motivation, survival).  Also, Carmen bought me a loofah and some Magnolia soap when I wasn't looking and tried, unsuccessfully, to sneakily put it in my bag as we got out to get the kids at church. So sweet! I will forever associate the smell of Magnolia with Jeff being deployed now. Ha, ha.

Alright, It's way passed my bedtime now, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning, because there is no slowing the steady stream of my need for his Grace every day. I love the reminder from the prophet Jeremiah, who is choosing to look past his corporal afflictions and see the good, praising the Lord for his providence and faithfulness:

"The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.²³  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.²⁴ “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“Therefore I have hope in Him.”²⁵  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.    

 - Lamentations 3:22-25 

Prayer for Today:

Lord, we know where Grace abounds, no bitterness can take root.  Help me continually focus on you, not on my own small circumstances, difficulties, trials, and pain. I want to place my Hope in you alone, not anything else on the earth, because nothing can fill my aching soul other than your love and forgiveness. What an awesome truth to go to sleep pondering - Your compassion and lovingkindness are new EVERY morning. Help me remember that Lord, and to come and drink from that eternal spring of your faithfulness, daily! Please keep my husband safe while he is away, use him to spread your good news to those who don't know you or haven't heard Your name. Use me to encourage and support other military wives who have to endure a deployment - increase my faithfulness, drown my doubt with your absolute blessings and favor. Help me remember that this is temporary, and your desire is for me to thrive, even in this circumstance, because it could be much worse. Help me be thankful for those who reach out and help, and to be grateful for all that you have given us -- even this. Amen.