Today's Italian Adventure (TIA) #342: Attempts to Register for Preschool.

Okay, this is the beginning of all the Cascio Italian adventures you have been waiting patiently to read about. We FINALLY got internet at our house, after an agonizing and excruciating 3 months of paying way too much for our Italian SIM card data plans.  Well, actually, we will still have to do that, until we get a soggiorno (sah-jorn-oh) (permit of stay), which will probably be sometime mid-May on the Italian timetable of things.  That's another rant for another post, though.

So, today, before we got our magical modem delivered, I wanted to try and get one task checked off our list. (I say *try* for everything now, it's much more accurate.) Registering "sniffy" for preschool.

However, it was pouring rain. Not like little wispy sprinkles that we got in California, but full-on, flooding the sidewalks, relentless, rain.  And Jeff drove the only working car to work today, because the volvo seems to be a little temperamental. Anyway, I wasn't going to let a little rain stop me! I told Isaac we were going on an adventure, and started layering on 4 layers of athletic gear (which is the warmest thing I've got right now).  It's pretty cold here, and the rain certainly kicks that up a notch.

So, after gearing up, we don our umbrellas (mandatory that each family have like 25 umbrellas - they sell them EVERYWHERE!), and set off for what I thought was going to be a short walk about a quarter mile down the street to the preschool.  Well, everything is going good until the first 10 puddles, and I'm soaked from my knees down! Isaac is not phased, and thinks this is fun. Good. I've got something working in my favor.  We get to the school, figure out how to buzz the office (Gates everywhere here - another Italian thing) and they let us in. We add our two umbrellas to the line of 100 lined up in the hallway and venture inside.  The segretaria (secretary) is very nice, but of course, does not speak English, so I ask her in my broken English-Italian if I can register here for preschool.  She tells me a few sentences in Italian (which are equivalent to paragraphs in English, because the words are multi-syllabled), and I figure out that I am not in the right place.  *Note: yes, I could have called, but my phone-Italian is much worse!). I ask her to write down the address  (Scrivilo l'indrizzo) and she writes and talks and motions with her hands, and writes some more. I'm trying to make sure I understand what she wrote, so I'm trying to put the address into my GPS on my phone at the same time telling her I'm understanding what she is saying and thanking the Lord I just studied directions in my italian-language app.

Our new destination is 1.2 miles from where we were at the moment. I have a decision to make, here, people, and I choose to trudge on, because Isaac seems content with the umbrella-power and his spiderman hat and gloves. So we continue to walk, and it continues to rain, and the puddles are huge, more like ponds really, and I'm trying to keep a positive "adventure" attitude going.  (Meanwhile, I have birth certificates, our lease, our codice fiscale cards, passports, visas, and every other form of ID in my bag right now, in case any of that is required. I'm trying to keep this all dry.)  5 minutes and 27 puddles later, Isaac is now tired and complaining that his feet hurt. My feet are soaked, and I'm not sure we are walking in the right direction. I keep him moving forward by telling him it's not much further, and he gets distracted by the huge leaves on the ground.  4 minutes later, he trips on one of those leaves, and falls on top on his umbrella, breaking nearly every spine in it. It kind of works, so we keep using it. 17 minutes later (oh yes, I was watching the time!) I saw the "Posta" which the secretary mentioned, so I know I'm close! I see a big school across the street, and I think that must be it. (When in Italy, never trust your first guess. It's usually wrong. Honestly.) I was wrong. A lady who was surprised to see us (in what could have been a High School back hallway - I'm guessing here) told me that this was not the place. (Everyone in the story does NOT speak English, ok?) I *think* she told me it was right around the corner, so we take our one umbrella and set out around the corner.

I enter another place which looks like it *could* be the right place, but once again, no one speaks English (I ask) but they tell me to go across the street. So, we set off for what I hope is our last stop of our rainy journey, and this looks promising! It's a primary school - and there is someone there that speaks English! She tells me this is the place, and just go wait at the window over there. So I do, and then 5 minutes later, she tells me, "Oh, I forgot, they are only open for registration during these hours" and points to a paper posted there. She kind of shrugs and says, "Well, you can come back tomorrow morning!" And I die inside. I tell her I've walked here for almost 2 miles, in the rain, with a 4-yr old. No response. This patience that I prayed for has definitely reached it's peak, because I'm totally cool with this now. Irritated, yes. Soaking wet, yes. But mad? No. Amazingly. Isaac and I start on our quest back home. Only 132 puddles to go.

The Comparison Trap

I know what you're thinking. "I don't really compare myself to others. I don't have that problem". Well, you better listen, sister, because those were my thoughts exactly, until recently, when some of my less-healthy, childish thoughts organized themselves and painted a crystal clear picture of who their mommy was, and her name was Comparison. Oh you are sneaky, Satan. I didn't even know I struggled with this particular sin at all! It didn't make the top 3 on my "Needs refining" list. And do you know why? Because it was masquerading as something else entirely, and I just hadn't pulled the mask off yet.

Let me elaborate, because you might still be convinced that you don't need to read this.

I don't compare myself to others too frequently, but I DO compare myself to ME!
ALL.THE.TIME!  A more athletic version of me. A younger version of me. A skinnier me. A more Godly me. A better friend me. A better mom me. A more patient me. A kinder me. A not-yelling me. I can get myself so wound around the axle when I fall short of my own expectations, I don't even need to breach my own front door to seek new examples to compare myself with. I'm exhausted looking in the mirror and listening to my own preachy-voice rant about how I failed. Again. Are you with me, here?

When I came to that realization, I was just astounded. Because I really was hoodwinked. Blind to my own sin. And that is what Satan does to us, isn't it?  He pulls the wool right over your eyes, and you are walking around bumping into things and getting frustrated. He revels in our blind confusion. Meanwhile, you become ineffective at serving anyone else, or shining a light to others. What a sticky web he spins. I'll freely admit, he catches me often, and sometimes it takes me a while to struggle free. A trap is something you didn't see coming. Something you just fall into and don't even realize what happened.  Do you see how comparison is a trap?

What the Bible Says about Comparison

So, then, what does the bible say about comparison? The greek word for compare is sugkrinō (pronounced soong-kree'-no) and it means "to judge one thing in connection with another". This greek definition is used in context in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians, concerning some of the false teachers and teachings that were going on in Corinth at that time:

"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Now Paul was a humble dude. He was pointing out that we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to anyone. In his day, it was the hypocritical Pharisees who were making up the rules and boasting about being the most Holy to anyone who would listen. In our time, Paul would probably be warning about comparing ourselves with the "well behaved and respected Christian family" that makes it look so easy or the "Worldly-bless-their-heart-heathens" that make us feel like we are doing this parenting thing right. Comparison in ANY lateral direction is useless and reveals our faulty understanding of God, and our relationship with Him. The only person we have to gain favor with is God, and even then, He loves us even if we are still in the Heathen category.

I've spent many a night so distraught because of the behavior of my children in public, or my poor parenting skills, or my inattentiveness to my family's needs. Comparing myself to "The other Mother" (Smile if you've watched the movie Caroline) who woke up early, made pancakes from scratch, went for a run, packed her husband's lunch and kissed him as he went off to work. The "Other Mother" is me on a good day, not someone else I'm envisioning. And I'm warning you, that is just as dangerous as comparing yourself to others! It will leave you feeling defeated, not-good-enough, unworthy, and like a failure. It robs you of joy and convinces you that you will be this way forever. It seeps into every part life, stealing confidence as it goes.

How to avoid the Comparison Trap

How do you avoid the comparison trap? Can it be avoided? Absolutely! When that sneaky voice starts talking, stop listening. Speak truth.

1. Not Everyone is created Equal. You will never measure up when your using someone else's scale.  God says the only thing we should be focusing on is Him and His mission for our lives. If we start veering off our chosen path, we will get ensnared in webs we might never be able to completely shake off.  God gave you gifts, girl. Use them to glorify Him, don't complain that the package it came in isn't as shiny and big as so-and-so's!  Christians should work together, using all of their varied gifts and talents. We were NOT all created equal, but we were created with a purpose that matches our gifts!

2. Don't  be a Hater. So what if Betty Sue can whip up 4 dozen perfect cupcakes with fondant icing at a moment's notice? You have different skills, so rejoice in the gifts she has been given and enjoy the benefits of being her friend. As women, we spend far too much time tearing each other down, rather than building each other up. Let's celebrate our unique abilities and not cause division!

2. God's Scale is the only one that Matters. If God had a big scale, he definitely wouldn't be putting a Christian on each side and seeing which one is "better"! Sounds ridiculous, right?  Remind yourself that you do not want to measure yourself against anyone - if you end up boasting that you are better, You're Wrong. If you end up feeling like you can never do anything as good as _______, You're Wrong. See? There is no winner in the comparison game! God knows that we could never be perfect, so he already provided a way for us to be forgiven - His son, Jesus. He knows we are a mess, even at our best!

Songs that Inspired this Post

Tenth Avenue North, "Worn"

Tenth Avenue North, "You Are More"

Big Daddy Weave, "Redeemed"

10 Ways to Support a Military Family going through Deployment!

This post has been marinating in my head for some time now. Well, about 7 or 8 months, if you must know.

If you don't already know (and love us), we are an Air Force family, stationed at Travis AFB, California.

My husband has been Active Duty for almost 16 years (rounding up, wishing for it to go faster…) and we have five boys. Two 15-yr olds, a 7-yr old going on 12, a 5-yr old, and a 3-yr old who runs the joint. After 12 years of Active Duty Air Force, I switched over to the Reserves, and in October of this year, I will hit my 20-year, magic retirement number! (I probably will not retire, yet, though, more on that in another post).

We married in 2005, and those of you who are good with math have already discovered we each came into the marriage with one boy a piece, and two houses full of furniture. :) Any-who….fast forward to last year, early July 2013, which was our first experience with a deployment. There had been short trips here and here (the longest being 42 days), but for the most part, we had been blissfully spared any major time apart. (Side note, I have been deployed before we were married, but I only had one son at the time, and I can say it is much easier, in my opinion, to be the one gone!)

If you read my deployment posts, you will find that I started out very excited, nervous, and full of ideas of what I was going to do to distract myself from the mundane misery that I feared our life might become. Obviously we survived, and I learned a lot during that time, which I'll cover in another post, too.  But one thing I did discover is that people don't know what they can do to help your family get through a deployment. So here is my list, take an idea or two, and go love a military family TODAY!

10 Ways to Support a Military Family Going through Deployment

1. Take them a meal.  Not just any meal, because that involves arranging a drop-off, and figuring out what they like….blah, blah, blah...Well, by all means, make them something they like and make sure no one has allergies first, but I'm saying just bring them a meal, early in the day, so they have the option to cook it for dinner or save it for another night. Bring it over in disposable trays that they won't have to wash and return. Bless them with a special dessert, too. One of my favorite things to do is make a batch of cookie batter, freeze it in balls, and give them a bag of frozen cookie balls, ready to bake! If you are really good, make some muffins and bring fresh fruit, so they can have an easy breakfast or snack option, too!

2. Watch their kids. Seriously, don't just offer to watch the kids, set up a specific time and even a weekly thing, if you can swing it. Don't throw out a random, "I can watch the kids whenever! Just let me know!" I mean that is a nice gesture and all, but go one step further and hmake them commit to an actual day and time, and they will love you forever.  Bonus points if you can arrange to watch the kids for them while they have an appointment!  I don't know how you all operate, but I really don't like asking for help. Not because I'm too proud, I just don't want to feel like I'm bothering anyone, so this really helps me know you are serious, and takes all the thinking out of it!

3. Pray for them.  This is an easy one, and it works even better if you ask them what they need prayer for, and then let them know you are praying. If you happen to think of a scripture that you think would encourage them, jot it down on a card or note, and give it to them. Knowing that someone is thinking of you definitely makes you feel less lonely! My friend Carmen gave me little encouraging notes that I will cherish always!

4. Help with the Yard work. Most of the time, it's Daddy who is the one deployed. And in most cases, Daddy is the one who takes care of all that outside dirty-grass-muddy-yucky-weedy stuff that we ladies would probably rather not do. Send your husband over to mow and edge, do some weeding, and this is for bonus points, offer to wash the car! (If you get the kids involved you get an extra 10 points. If you get their kids involved and also let them go for a run or walk, that's an extra 100 points!)

5. Take their trash bins out/in. This may seem silly, but honestly, I forgot to take out the trash EIGHT times in a row.  Let me correct, my 15-yr old son "forgot," which led to a frantic sprint to beat the garbage truck with pj's still on, no contacts in, and no shoes on at 7 am. So, if you happen to notice their trash bins are no out the night before trash day, take them out. (Ask, first, but really, I wouldn't have cared!) Also, grab those puppies and tuck them back in if you happen to notice they are still out the next day!

6. Sit with them at Church. Also, may seem silly, but I felt so alone when I went to church. We go to a rather large church, and I kind of got lost in the crowd. I felt like no one knew what I was going through, and why I was there alone, and no one ever asked. So it's just awkward. It's way more fun to go with a friend and third-wheel. Also, as a bonus, you have some help picking up the kids from child care. Score.

7. Drop off a surprise package. Maybe you know they like to watch movies. Fill a box with popcorn, movie treats, and if you can afford it, tickets to a local movie theatre. If movies aren't their thing, drop off a nice "escape" treat for mom, like a book, journal, lotion, a new candle, anything really, that would brighten their day.  You can include a small note, or keep it a secret! Thanks to Pinterest, you can stalk your friend's boards and see what she likes!

8. Encourage them to get out of the house. Stay with me here, because if you are dealing with an instinctual hermit, every fiber of their being will want to batten down the hatches, seal up the ship, and hunker down for the long haul….don't let them. Probably one of the worst slump patterns I got into was caused by lack of sunlight and fresh air. I'm being a bit dramatic, but, honestly, sometimes it was all I could do to not put the kids to bed at 5 and call it a night. This encouragement could take the form of inviting them for a bike ride or walk to the park. (If they don't want to, take the kids, bonus 50 points.)

9. Be considerate of their time/space. This is hard to explain, so hopefully it comes out right, and no it's not exactly a contradiction to my last point. If you are one of the three people I consider my very closest friends (can you tell I'm an introvert, jeez.), you are allowed to drop in on me, whatever time of day, with no questions asked, and you can come and stay for as long as you need, or until I kick you out. Everyone outside the chosen circle of 3, you must approach cautiously, and observe my physical state carefully. If you sense that I am at all under stress, DO NOT try to come inside and make small talk, thinking you are providing the daily adult conversation I might be craving. I will invite you inside if I'm ready for a visit, and if that does happen, please don't overstay your time, because that just causes me loads of extra stress that I can't handle. If my kids are napping, and it's "quiet time" in my house, that means it's the only time I have to reload my sanity and think straight. So please, please, don't rob me of that precious time, or I'll have to cut you. Okay. I won't actually harm you, but just wanted to prove the point.

10. Give them Grace.  About halfway through the deployment, I stopped trying to do everything. You know what I mean….I gave up being on time (wasn't too hard, because I'm usually late all the time), trying to appear I had it together, and I think I wore the same thing for like 2 weeks straight. Please, don't judge me, my appearance, my children, the trash in my swagger wagon, the fact that we ate Popeye's in the middle of the living room picnic style… Just love them, and give them some extra grace because until you have been there, you have no idea how you would handle it.

That's it. Ten easy ways you can support a military family when they are going through a deployment.  Of course, many of this ideas could also apply to a family with a new baby, or a death in the family, or is just needing some extra love. Hopefully this inspires you to go and help out your local military family and gives you an idea of what it is like being the family left behind.

Michelle

Songs that inspired this post

Jason Gray "With Every Act of Love"
Hillsong United "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"

And, a funny video, proving that they have some fun deployed
(This is not my husband's crew, though!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeqDVduhX5Q

The Dreadful "Sea of Discontent"

Quick, somebody hand me an oar, I'm drowning in my self-made sea of discontent! Lately, I've been struggling with contentment. Okay, let's be real, not "lately", but quite honestly, more often than not. 

It all started as most things do, a small nagging seed of doubt….nurtured along by my warm,  abundant insecurities, and watered by my copious criticisms of my current station in life. And one day, IT appeared. The gargantuan (always wanted to use that word), gnarly, twisted root of discontent, choking out all of the happiness and joy that used to lie so easily within reach. Honestly, I feel like I'm Artax, sinking into the inky black tar in the Swamp of Sadness. (If you don't get the reference, we can't be friends.)

"My life isn't bad, though, why am I so unhappy?" I would ponder, as I searched for a palpable something to place my blame upon. Nothing was really wrong, and I think that's why for a long time, I just chalked it up to depression, a stagnation in my world, that only bred more malcontent. As a military wife, I am used to moving around. I love change! I love new (to me) houses, different rooms, new neighborhoods, fresh opportunities, and I have this moving chore down to a science. But we are over our three-year mark in this house, and although I absolutely love it, I honestly can't wait to move on. Who thinks like that? Tell me I'm not alone! One scripture that really resonates with me when I get this itchy, need-to-move mentality is Ephesians 5:15-17 (NASB),

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Restlessness in my heart has churned up this sea of discontent, and it infiltrates the entire atmosphere of the home! My husband and I just prayed that God would reveal his will for us - to settle our anxious minds and help us to decide where we should go (or where/when we should put in for orders).  If the decision was left to me (which it isn't!), we would be living in my hometown in New Hampshire. Luke (7) and I just got back from visiting there and helping my sister, who just had a baby.  It was very hard to be there and know we had to get back on a plane and go back to California. Ever since I've been back, aside from the joy of being in my own home and seeing Jeff & the boys, I've been terribly homesick. Just irritated. Mad. Sad. Melancholy. Defeated. Yes, all these feelings and more. I'm not too proud to admit that I have been a pretty cranky Christian lately. (Sorry Jeff, Dyl & the terrible trio).



Christian, advice-giving me knows with absolute clarity that this is not what God wants for my life. Moping around all misty-eyed and complacent, crying into my faux-Starbucks-espresso. My clever little mind has already fabricated our dream house, quaint, New-Englandy, complete with a mud room and sled storage…but the more effort Im putting into building that imaginary home, the less effort I put forth maintaining what God has blessed me with right here. (See, I'm not totally gone, yet!)


I believe that God has a purpose for my life. I believe that God would like nothing more for me to shine His light and bring His love all the way to the East Coast…only just not yet. Like adding clams to the clam chowder until the last bit of cooking, so they won't get tough and rubbery. (Trust me, this is a game-changer! Clam chowder recipe here -> New England Clam Chowdah). God knows what He is doing. He can see everything and nothing is a mystery to Him! He also knows the desires of my heart and He will orchestrate the path of my life in His perfect timing. I'm trusting that, and that calms the stormy sea raging inside my head and my heart. Until the next big storm, that is. (Keeping it real, ladies!)

Perhaps your sea of discontent is not caused by your current location, but instead your season in life, your job, your season of marriage, your ministry, your friends (or lack of), your children (or lack of)…the reasons are endless! But let us all rest in the certainty that whatever it is, it is not out of God's control. His plan and purpose for our lives is all-encompassing and intricate. He didn't spare any details. If you doubt, go read Psalm 139.  So don't think for a second that He just haphazardly plopped a pin  on his big ol' Atlas and said, "Yes, that is where I want ___________ to live" and Poof! You are smack dab in Cheyenne, Wyoming, freezing your giblets off. (Lol, if you are reading this, Heidi, I was thinking about your Facebook comment). He also didn't place you as a military wife without a purpose. There is a mission created for you, here. A lesson tailored just for you, here. A friendship for life, or a season, yes, right here. Maybe your current location/season is the "low" you need to make your "high" time all the sweeter. I don't know all the answers, but I know God does. I choose to trust Him.

If you want, say this prayer with me. (Don't worry about looking crazy, reading this out loud. It's just your kids/husband/family, they probably already think you are cray-cray!)

Prayer for Contentment

Lord, please calm my anxious heart.

Sometimes my dreams and wants for my life drown out your sweet, still, small voice.
Help me find contentment and your peace that you freely wash over us.
Reveal your will for my life, and allow me to trust in your plan and timing.

Do not let me swim in this sea of discontent, or swallow the bitter swill of anger because I cannot be where my heart resides.
Help me live my life for you, spreading your love right where you have placed me.

Build my trust, and my faith in you, grow me, and mature my vision so I can see clearly your plan. Help me to encourage other military wives and build friendships that will last a lifetime.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Songs that inspired this post

Jason Gray - "With Every Act of Love"
Jason Gray - "Remind Me Who I Am"
Jeremy Camp - "There Will be a Day"
Third Day - "Cry Out to Jesus"
Sidewalk Prophets - "Live Like That"
Sidewalk Prophets - "Help Me Find it"

Youtube that will make you laugh

The present is a gift!