The Comparison Trap

I know what you're thinking. "I don't really compare myself to others. I don't have that problem". Well, you better listen, sister, because those were my thoughts exactly, until recently, when some of my less-healthy, childish thoughts organized themselves and painted a crystal clear picture of who their mommy was, and her name was Comparison. Oh you are sneaky, Satan. I didn't even know I struggled with this particular sin at all! It didn't make the top 3 on my "Needs refining" list. And do you know why? Because it was masquerading as something else entirely, and I just hadn't pulled the mask off yet.

Let me elaborate, because you might still be convinced that you don't need to read this.

I don't compare myself to others too frequently, but I DO compare myself to ME!
ALL.THE.TIME!  A more athletic version of me. A younger version of me. A skinnier me. A more Godly me. A better friend me. A better mom me. A more patient me. A kinder me. A not-yelling me. I can get myself so wound around the axle when I fall short of my own expectations, I don't even need to breach my own front door to seek new examples to compare myself with. I'm exhausted looking in the mirror and listening to my own preachy-voice rant about how I failed. Again. Are you with me, here?

When I came to that realization, I was just astounded. Because I really was hoodwinked. Blind to my own sin. And that is what Satan does to us, isn't it?  He pulls the wool right over your eyes, and you are walking around bumping into things and getting frustrated. He revels in our blind confusion. Meanwhile, you become ineffective at serving anyone else, or shining a light to others. What a sticky web he spins. I'll freely admit, he catches me often, and sometimes it takes me a while to struggle free. A trap is something you didn't see coming. Something you just fall into and don't even realize what happened.  Do you see how comparison is a trap?

What the Bible Says about Comparison

So, then, what does the bible say about comparison? The greek word for compare is sugkrinō (pronounced soong-kree'-no) and it means "to judge one thing in connection with another". This greek definition is used in context in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians, concerning some of the false teachers and teachings that were going on in Corinth at that time:

"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Now Paul was a humble dude. He was pointing out that we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to anyone. In his day, it was the hypocritical Pharisees who were making up the rules and boasting about being the most Holy to anyone who would listen. In our time, Paul would probably be warning about comparing ourselves with the "well behaved and respected Christian family" that makes it look so easy or the "Worldly-bless-their-heart-heathens" that make us feel like we are doing this parenting thing right. Comparison in ANY lateral direction is useless and reveals our faulty understanding of God, and our relationship with Him. The only person we have to gain favor with is God, and even then, He loves us even if we are still in the Heathen category.

I've spent many a night so distraught because of the behavior of my children in public, or my poor parenting skills, or my inattentiveness to my family's needs. Comparing myself to "The other Mother" (Smile if you've watched the movie Caroline) who woke up early, made pancakes from scratch, went for a run, packed her husband's lunch and kissed him as he went off to work. The "Other Mother" is me on a good day, not someone else I'm envisioning. And I'm warning you, that is just as dangerous as comparing yourself to others! It will leave you feeling defeated, not-good-enough, unworthy, and like a failure. It robs you of joy and convinces you that you will be this way forever. It seeps into every part life, stealing confidence as it goes.

How to avoid the Comparison Trap

How do you avoid the comparison trap? Can it be avoided? Absolutely! When that sneaky voice starts talking, stop listening. Speak truth.

1. Not Everyone is created Equal. You will never measure up when your using someone else's scale.  God says the only thing we should be focusing on is Him and His mission for our lives. If we start veering off our chosen path, we will get ensnared in webs we might never be able to completely shake off.  God gave you gifts, girl. Use them to glorify Him, don't complain that the package it came in isn't as shiny and big as so-and-so's!  Christians should work together, using all of their varied gifts and talents. We were NOT all created equal, but we were created with a purpose that matches our gifts!

2. Don't  be a Hater. So what if Betty Sue can whip up 4 dozen perfect cupcakes with fondant icing at a moment's notice? You have different skills, so rejoice in the gifts she has been given and enjoy the benefits of being her friend. As women, we spend far too much time tearing each other down, rather than building each other up. Let's celebrate our unique abilities and not cause division!

2. God's Scale is the only one that Matters. If God had a big scale, he definitely wouldn't be putting a Christian on each side and seeing which one is "better"! Sounds ridiculous, right?  Remind yourself that you do not want to measure yourself against anyone - if you end up boasting that you are better, You're Wrong. If you end up feeling like you can never do anything as good as _______, You're Wrong. See? There is no winner in the comparison game! God knows that we could never be perfect, so he already provided a way for us to be forgiven - His son, Jesus. He knows we are a mess, even at our best!

Songs that Inspired this Post

Tenth Avenue North, "Worn"

Tenth Avenue North, "You Are More"

Big Daddy Weave, "Redeemed"