Day 27: Groundhog Syndrome

 Hello again. I fell off the face of the earth, seriously, sorry about that. We had friends visiting (traveling through from Hawaii to Colorado) last week, and we have friends visiting this week, too. I'm thankful for the distraction, honestly, because lately I feel like it's Groundhog day, just a continuous day, repeating itself over and over and over. I'm thankful this day I'm reliving doesn't include any sickness, but oh my word does it ever get annoying! I've been struggling lately, not reading my bible as much, not praying as much, and it's made me painfully aware of how fragile (read that in Francesco Bernoulli's voice, it's much funnier!) our flesh is! How weak and desperate we become when separated from the word. It's pathetic, really.

The dessert!

I mention this because if you happen to stalk my Facebook wall, it might appear that I have it "together" - smiling faces, instagram snaps of some amazing dessert I whipped up (recipe on the box, people!), cute stories of things the boys have said, our bulldog peacefully sleeping at my feet....it's not a true picture of what goes on here day in and day out. I read an article about how facebook is ruining people's lives, making them feel bad about themselves because everyone else's life looks "perfect." Don't believe for one second that I wake up with a smile on my face, quoting scripture, and baking fresh banana bread. Hardly. Don't get me wrong, I would love that to be the case, but 90% of the time, this is how things go:

1. Sometime around 2 or 3 am: 5-yr old comes into room (he may or may not have had a potty accident, and may or may not have changed his pants). He sneaks into bed and snuggles in. I try to feel if he is wet or just had a bad dream, if he's wet, I try to wake him up and get him to change his PJ's (I avoid walking around once I've been sleeping because my feet hurt so bad). I go back to sleep.

Boys being Boys!

2. 7 am: Reveille sounds right outside our window. This may or may not rouse the 3-yr old beast who is currently sleeping in my closet (I made his room into a guest room while my friends are visiting). If it does, he wakes up and does his best to be as loud as he can while voicing his concern over his lost binkie and misplaced blanket. Sometimes, by God's blessing, I find both of them and he goes back to sleep. Sometimes, if he wakes up, I can convince him to come into bed with me and sleep (or at least sniff).

3. 7:30 am: My Fitbit silent alarm goes off. I press the button and mentally debate getting up while my body drifts slowly back to sleep. I bribe my brain by promising coffee. It doesn't always work. My feet are still hurting from the 7 am limp to find the binkie blankie.

4. 8:12 am: I open my eyes, sort of. I can't see anything because my glasses have fallen off the table beside my bed. I feel around for my phone like a mole. (Thus my husband's nickname, "my little mole"). I try to get up quietly, as to not wake the two little warm bodies that are nestled in amongst the pillows of our Cal King.

5. 8:30 am: Limp painfully from bathroom to kitchen. Search for shoes so maybe my feet won't hurt as much. Think about exercising. Think about reading my bible. My brain starts to circle these thoughts: Maybe I could do both at the same time? Maybe the kids won't come out right away and I can have some quiet time? Maybe I should have woken up early and gotten my quiet time in already? Why am I so lazy? When are my feet going to stop hurting? Why didn't I buy cereal? Why didn't I buy creamer? Why is the commissary closed on Mondays? Did I make coffee? I don't remember drinking coffee. Where are my shoes? Do I smell poop? Did Frank poop?

"May-dough" with PPR

6. 8:32 am: I hear movement in the hallway and then a pair of eyes peeking around the corner. I can tell by the curly locks that it's Isaac. He is in sniff mode, and he runs to my perch at the computer. He asks to play a game on my iPhone. I tell him he needs to eat breakfast first. Amazingly, he acquiesces and pads into the kitchen to forage in the pantry. I still haven't read my bible. Still can't find my coffee.

7. 8:37 am: I've become a one-person cereal assembly-line. 4 bowls, 4 spoons, 4 cups. I like to color-code, but it doesn't always work out. I keep lustfully eyeballing my Keurig. I try to avoid direct eye contact with the sinkful of dishes I abandoned last night. There's someone trying to scale my leg. Someone is hunting for food in the pantry and telling my how much they don't want cereal. Again. I tell them they are blessed just to have food and think of all the children in the world who go hungry. This doesn't phase them. I contemplate withholding food until it ripens their compassion, but I don't think I could handle their whining.

First Injury of deployment!

8. 8:42 am: After major coaxing, everyone brought a cereal bowl to the table and we are all seated together. I forgot my coffee. I should probably eat, too. We pray (well, I pray, the boys take turns trying to make each other laugh). I get angry and reiterate the "why we should be quiet while we are praying" talk. I try to not get too mad because I know they are just kids. I get up to get coffee. No water in the Keurig and it has to be filled again. I think that it should be connected right to my fridge. I wonder if I'm really that lazy. I don't think I would make it on a missionary trip. I wonder if I will ever go on a missionary trip. I daydream some more, and the water overflows all over the cup, down the fridge, all over the floor. I'm not mad. The floor needs to be cleaned, anyway. I know I will never get to it today.

Pool shower Fort!

9. 8:47 am: The loudness level tells me the kids are done eating. I haven't even gotten the chance to sit down, haven't eaten, and now I'm searching for my coffee cup. I remember that yesterday, while I was packing the kids up in the car while breaking up arguments, I hit my head on the rear lift gate, dropped and shattered it. I nearly lost my testimony and almost said some choice words, holding back tears. Now I'm reminded of yesterday's failure and I feel helpless and defeated again. The dishes in the sink grow, so does my apathy. Coffee is growing cold now, of course. I remember I don't have creamer. I root around in the fridge for a substitute. I settle for Tru Whip. It's good. I cradle my warm coffee and retreat to my computer. The boys are settled in watching Justin Time. I think I might have 10 minutes of  blissful quiet. My bible is not within reach. I read my daily verse for the day. I want to read more, but now I'm caught in email.

10. 8:53 am: The boys are done watching and are now wrestling. My quiet time is over. My apathy is not. I glare at the dishes that won't wash themselves. I start my mental to-do list.

So, you get the idea. Trapped in my own small little, world. This is an easy day, I'm not complaining, my kids don't wake up early, we have enough food to eat, we have a wonderful house, it just gets to be overwhelming and I'm tired. I miss Jeff! :(  I've been trying to think about others I could help, because that makes me happy, but I feel like I'm drowning, myself. I know this is not where God wants me to live, feeling like this, but it's like I'm caught in this circular pattern sometimes and I can't seem to break free. Just keep praying for us!

Days 11 & 12

Sometimes in life, I feel like I am drifting in this big ocean, getting tossed around by all the waves that come my way, and I'm just struggling to stay afloat. Lately it's felt a lot like that. Turbulent, stormy, and I've seemed to have navigated off course. Not that I'm headed for a waterfall or anything, but I've just forgotten where I was going in the first place! Has that ever happened to you? (Never mind the opening the fridge amnesia that strikes us all at some point, lol!)  Well, today the guiding beacon of a light house shone right through this storm, in the form of the family that runs the Travis Hospitality House. Carmen invited me to a bible study and before I could choose one of my myriad list of excuses, I decided to go. And what a blessing it was. The Nfaziger family is just an awesome example of Christ's body in action. Their passion for the advancement of the gospel and their love of people is so evident in their hospitality and encouragement so freely given. They minister to the men, women, and families of Travis Air Force Base, and they truly provide a "home away from home" atmosphere for people to enjoy and fellowship.  If you are looking to donate to a local missionary, please pray and consider donating to Sue & Sandy's Hospitality House - you can donate online through Cadence International. They host bible studies and serve at the Chapel on base, and run the PEAK internet coffee and Cafe near the dorms.  What a wonderful refuge for the single Airmen! Anyway, just wanted to give them some praise for the work they are doing for God's kingdom, and thankful that they are there!

We also got a new pool today for the boys. This is a particular blessing because a) we got it on sale even though the sale ended last week, and b) It provides unlimited entertainment for the boys on these endless hot summer days! So, the story behind the sale - yesterday, I went to the Target in Vacaville and they were all sold out of this pool that was on sale....so today, I went to Target in Fairfield with the specific intention of buying this pool if they had it in stock. Well, they did, but it wasn't on sale anymore. As the helpful salesperson pointed out, the sale ended at midnight. Well, I was probably going to end up buying it anyway, but it was a $20 price difference, so I had to really think about it, so I tried to harness my rowdy children into a quiet hush so I could hear my own thoughts, and I began to walk back towards the aisle where the pools were.  The other cashier, named Josh, asked me if I was only there to buy the pool, to which I replied sadly, "Yes." and explained what happened yesterday at the other target and how bummed out I was about missing the sale...well, he told me, "It's okay. I can do that price, no problem." I was seriously shocked. I mean, people usually aren't nice anymore, and most certainly aren't willing to go above and beyond and actually be helpful! (Sadly). Score! Seriously, I was so excited about that, I wrote his name down and I will make it a point to get him some good feedback on the store survey! (For the record, the worldly person in me immediately figured my credit card was going to be somehow pirated. I'll still check that, just to be sure...)

The boys patiently waited for what seemed like days for the pool to fill, and managed to suck out the last of my graciousness by the time it was finally ready for them to swim in. I'm such a manic mom sometimes, one second I'm hyping them up for the new pool, and the next second I'm yelling at them to pick up their room like-i-told-them-to-ten-times-already.  While they were waiting, I actually snapped a pic of them HELPING each other put on "gunscreen" as Isaac calls it. It made me forget what a miserable car ride it was earlier, which was wonderfully needed. I give this pool 3 days until it dies a quick, sad death serenaded with 3 little boy's laughter.

So, we have been busy, missing our "daddy" and creating summer memories....one that we almost crossed off our summer bucket list was "go to a drive-in movie." I say almost because we actually sat in traffic for over an hour and by the time we got to the gate, it was sold out! There was weeping and gnashing of teeth over this one, but I soothed the pain with Red Vines and popcorn and peanut butter m&m's! Who knew that the Drive-In was so popular?? Who knew you had to get there 2 HOURS early in order to be able to park? Well, now we do, and we will plan a little better next time, right Carmen? Lol. We actually set up the entire back of the van with the foam mattress, blankets & Pillows and we were ready to watch Monsters University! Oh well. 

Prayer for today:

Lord, you know the desires of my heart. You know I need you, and you patiently wait for me to turn my eyes toward you.  Lord, help me be a good steward of my time, and let me not forget where I am going in this life.  My purpose here is to do your will, to disciple my children and other women, and to love you.  Don't let me be distracted by this world and it's shallow and simple promises. I want to hold on to your promises, stay on the path you've created just for me. Help me be content in my situation and recognize that this time I have with my boys is so short. This life is a vapor, and it cannot be wasted. I turn my thoughts, heart, mind and soul over to you. I don't want control, navigate me through this storm so that I will end up in the safety of your arms. Amen.

Days 9 & 10

Happy 4th (and 5th)! I was so exhausted last night I couldn't even scroll through my facebook newsfeed. Now that's tired! We had a very uneventful Independence Day, which pleases me, because I hate crowds and drama! Actually, I dread going into any situation with more kids than I have hands. That part of me that needs to control situations just shrivels up and dies a slow painful death...usually taking my sanity down with it.

We started our day off with Pinterest-inspired cinnamon roll waffles, with cream cheese greek yogurt "diappage" (the boys dubbed anything you dip something into "dippage"- thus adding to the long dictionary of cascio-created terminology).  They were delicious! Even after my spinach-egg-white breakfast I managed to take one down. Sniff was the first to join me and gleefully broke the eggs for me and watched over the KitchenAid to make sure everything was getting mixed together. Notice the ear-sniffage. He wasn't fully awake yet, and still has to be attached to the "bink-blank" until food is ready. It's funny, Jeff and I always said he is the one who is a "crib to bib" kinda guy, and he still is!

E, of course, was very suspicious of the waffles because they had cinnamon-butter swirled in and looked different. He mistrusts anything that doesn't look like chocolate or ice cream right up front.  Once he tasted, he was sold (note Luke's expression, he was like, "See, I told you they are good!") They each ate about 3 waffles. I know Dyl is happy about all these ridiculous meals (the Turkey Pot pie was also unbelievable).  He says he was eating out a lot in Texas, and although they have bomb mexican food, there is nothing like mom's home cooking.  My plan is to show Dyl some key recipes so he will be able to impress his future wife....(hey, I can dream, you know, and there is nothing like preparing early)!

So after the sugar rush started to die down, we went to Papa Ralph's and swam in the pool, ate some lunch, and came home sporting some freshly burned skin. Oops. I DID slather them with sunscreen, but apparently 3 or 4 hours in the sun and pool is enough to wear it down!  Isaac had so much fun swimming and jumping in the pool, you would never know he hated water last year! Woog and E swam around with their mask and goggles and came out of the pool only to eat a couple bites of lunch. It was a great day!

Later that night, we got to enjoy the fireworks from the safety of the inside of our van - driving Papa Ralph and Mimi to the Airport. They are back in CT right now, getting ready to enjoy some family time   at the big Family Reunion! I wish we could go - but traveling cross-country with 4 kids is not going to happen.

Today had all the makings of a Monday. Except it's Friday. When you stay home and don't have anywhere to be, you lose track of what day of the week it is. Trust me. I finally got a new calendar with big squares and I smothered my fridge with it, hoping this will solve my forgetting problem. I even wrote down "put trash out" on Thursday, because I learned my lesson. And don't suggest I set up reminders on my phone, because most of the day my phone has it's own agenda, or finds it's way into grubby little hands eager to play apps!  For the first time since Jeff has been gone, I didn't make my step goal. I just couldn't do it today, my back is still scorched and I was working on my Commander's Retirement Program when I wasn't chasing little buns around the house!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for your grace. Thank you is all I can say, because I'm a mess, and my need for grace at times overwhelms me. I'm so thankful that you don't leave me to my own devices, because if I listened to my heart, I would surely be steered into a very dark place.  These past few days I have felt your presence, felt the lightness of hope lifting up my burdens and worries.  Please continue to work on my heart, and remind me to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life you have given us. Amen.

Day 8

My neighbors probably think I'm a weirdo by now, trolling the streets around 10:30 pm, pushing my isaac-filled stroller around the cul-de-sac until my fitbit registers 15K steps. I've been doing really well working out and getting my steps in, now I just have to work on getting done earlier in the day so I can go to sleep sometime before 11 pm! Isaac hasn't been sleeping well, either, and E keeps sneaking in my bed at night for various mumbled reasons (he doesn't really talk when he is trying to get away with something, just slurs something really quick and smiles and snuggles in - he knows the way to mommy's heart!) All the nighttime shenanigans leaves me dragging around the house in the morning, downing coffee and praying it kicks in so I can finish the 10,000 things I have going while J is gone.  

In Jeff news, he is doing well - he works noon - midnight, and he is able to facetime us almost everyday. I'm so thankful for technology. I just can't imagine not being able to talk to him or have the boys see him for months! He would probably go crazy if that was the case, because he loves his boys so much! Besides being bored on his off time, he is living a vacation life compared to here. Even Dylan is getting annoyed with the boys! I'm trying to stay consistent, but oh boy did God ever the situation to test my patience. They always say not to pray for patience, because it is a fruit of the spirit and if you are growing in Christ, you should naturally start to exhibit it - if so, my prayer would be for less situations in which to exercise patience! That's fair, right? Ha, ha. 

Today I was blessed by a few things (keeping up the positiveness). Carmen asked me to come over and talk for a while, and although I had a major construction project going on in my closet, I dragged myself over to hang out for a little while. I say "dragged" not because I don't want to go visit, but rather because I'm comfortably living out my hermit lifestyle....which is not healthy, and luckily I have friends that know that who reach out to encourage me. Also, the boys spied that Jimmy had his big waterslide up and they managed to invite themselves over to play! We ended up all going over and bringing our dinner over there and eating together with them. The picture is Isaac and one of his many possible future brides.* (Lanie, he loves you, too!) (*Note: they would make the cutest babies!)  It was nice to talk to adults, and take a break from the endless organization and cleaning! There won't be a nook or cranny left in this house that hasn't been cleaned, organized, sanded, painted, or donated by the time Jeff gets back. My project today was the master bedroom closet. I cleared out everything. I'm donating about a year's supply of clothes (don't worry, it probably came from the thrift store anyway) and then some! I can't show you any pictures because I want it to be a surprise for J! Tomorrow I will tackle turning Isaac's room back into a guest room. For now, the mattresses are still clogging up the hall, but the boys are using it as a fort, so it's all good. 

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for the friends you have placed in my life, in my neighborhood, because you know I work best with close proximity relationships!  Help me to bless others as much as they have blessed me today. Please continue to work out my relationship with Dylan, come into his life and let him know that he is loved by you, and me, and that his life is valuable and for a purpose.  Guide his heart, keep him close to you, Lord.  Thank you for my husband, for reminding me that he loves me all day - finding forgotten love notes and reading them again and remembering...let me not take for granted the wonderful man you have given me. Keep him safe and encourage him while he is away from home. Amen.

Day 7: one week down!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say your morning probably didn't involve scrubbing dog poop off your shoe with a toothbrush.  Well, that is how MY day started, so as you can extrapolate, it could only get better from there!  It's been one week, and I am happy to report zero casualties, mishaps, or near-miss reportables. I'd rate us at a 4 right now. No major discrepancies...(HSI on the brain!)

I may have just mixed together flight line and medical lingo, but you get the picture - we made it!  You might doubt my mental status if you were to see my house, however. There's a mattress in the hallway, piles of clothes all over my room, phone numbers written on diapers (okay, there's just one, but I couldn't find a piece of paper and I was in the bathroom at the time), and the boys room looks post-tornado level chaotic.  The reason for the hallway and clothes mess is the fact that I'm cleaning out our walk-in closet. We kept a full-sized mattress in there for when J was working nights (that way the kids didn't know he was even home and the clothes made it relatively sound-proof), and I'm moving it into Isaac's room because we are going to have some visitors soon! Robin and her boys and husband are coming and visiting a few days in transit to Colorado from Hawaii.  Yes, you may be thinking, I am crazy, hosting while my husband is away, but honestly, I welcome Robin into our home and consider her family. We got wayyyyyy back, she was neighbor when I lived on base with a then 3-yr old Dylan.  She helped me in so many ways, and if I can be as half as generous as she is, I'm going to do it! So, in true "shelley" fashion, I've made a mid-sized project into a total overhaul and made way more work for myself - but just wait until it's done! I'm going to be so excited because I won't have a closet full of clothes I can't wear, and J is going to be happy because it will no longer be the "clothes graveyard" - lol.  Hey, I can't help I've been every size and back again since having 3 babies in 4 years!

Today I broke loose from the "prison"! Carmen texted me earlier and told me she was feeling a bit like a prisoner in her house - and I told her I managed to break out, but all the inmates tagged along with me! We were joking around, but seriously, it does get tough feeling like you are "confined" to the house when you have 3 little ones to look after. Maybe I'm doing it totally wrong, but going out is not fun, it's more work than anything, at least when the little people outnumber you!  So, we finally made it out of the house around 3:30 pm. I attempted to program the swagger wagon's homelink thing for the garage door, but I gave up after 15 minutes and breaking up two fights over who had gum and who was sitting in which carseat (the minions were packed in the car while I was mcguyvering the remote thing.)  We went to Lowe's - got nothing that we went for, and spent an hour just walking around the cool cabinet and carpet areas. Man, do I ever get sucked in to the tile and backsplash displays!! So cool, all that material just waiting for action.  In our other lives, Jeff and I had a dream about flipping houses (doesn't everyone?) so going to Lowe's is like revisiting a fun alternate reality.  Hey, sometimes you need to escape yours temporarily! We almost made it out of the store without any fuss, but wouldn't you know, at the register (in the greenhouse area), I lost my testimony. Well, technically, I lost it a lot earlier after some stern, overly-harsh rebukes I was handing out near the paint section, but this was definitely the coup de grâce. While I was checking out, the boys took it upon themselves to saturate nearly every inch of their bodies with fountain water (from the display fountains).  Don't ask me how they did it, because I was just trying to figure out WHY they did it! They also found this small baggie that they filled with water and claimed to have caught "imaginary magic fish" and then cleverly smashed the bag so the magic fish and water spurted out in a perfect arc, landing all over the register and spraying the cashier.  She was a bit surprised, as was I, and before I turned my red-with-rage eyes towards the boys, I caught a glimpse of all the cashier's flair on her apron.  She had all these cool patches and it was clear she had been awarded them for something!  She told me it was for the build-it saturday workshop for kids, and even said I should bring the boys.  See, that is the blessing about having a touch of ADD. I'm easily distracted, and that brief moment was enough to stifle the burgeoning barrage of "correction" that was about to spill forth from my mouth. After I stopped being so irritated about the water incident, I realized the boys have a pretty good imagination and they were just having fun.

That was my day, pretty much, and now I welcome a good night's sleep, hopefully minus E sneaking in to bed in the middle of the night and keeping me up flopping all over the place!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, thank you for my boys. Thank you for their boundless imagination, their exuberant personalities and limitless energy. I wouldn't trade them for the world.  As much as I love them, I know that you love them more, help me to remember that and treat them like the precious gifts they are. Let me enjoy this time with them, creating memories and not just rushing through the days. Continue to grow my love and need for my husband, as I feel the burden of him being absent more and more each day.  Amen!

Day 6

Isaac, Luke & Jeff at Mt Hermon last Summer

Today was survival mode. I'm tired. I just got done jogging around the neighborhood with Isaac in the stroller (still awake) at 11 pm.  One of the good things about wearing a pedometer is that it convicts you to get all of your steps in...the bad thing is that when it's 10:30 and you just spent 30 minutes trying to inflate the stroller tire after tracking down the air pump, you are still talking yourself into running outside to add in 1,200 more steps.  I'm all over the place, morning's good intentions melted into afternoon chaos and a cleaning frenzy. The cleaning helps make me feel like I'm controlling something, and the chaos was inflicted by my lovely little minions 2, 3 & 4. (#1 is pretty much past the point of causing problems, thank God!)  We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, big flaky cinnabon-type. They were delectable, and yes, I savored every last bite! (Diet starts tomorrow?)

I also managed to finally throw together a couple of turkey pot pies with homemade crust. I froze one for the inevitable night that I don't have anything made nor the desire to make anything!  The homemade crust is a point of pride, because after all these years (okay only like 7 or 8), I had yet to come across the perfect crust recipe. I finally found it on Pioneer Woman's website, and it is solid gold, I tell ya. Here's the recipe (yes, I'll share, because this is too good not to!): http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/12/p-p-p-pie_crust_and_its_p-p-p-perfect/
It's so simple, I'm almost ashamed I failed so many times before! I think the secret is the vinegar. I've used regular, Apple Cider and even Balsamic White, and it works just the same.  Don't overwork it, though. The crust can be frozen, refrigerated, or used right away (although I do recommend following her instructions on popping it in the fridge so it's easier to work with before you use it).  I'll never by the store-made stuff again, it's that easy and good!

After all the kitchen action, I "unplugged" the boys and made them do a couple of chores. Easy ones, but it's the routine that matters (right, Jeff?) and it helps adjust Luke's attitude. At some point I want to reinstate the paid chore charts, but I'm just too exhausted to try and do that by myself right now. After chores, they played in the backyard in our sad little slowly-deflating blow up pool.  It really is pathetic, but it does the job on hot days like we've been having, and I honestly can't imagine dragging the kids to Walmart to get another one.  I'll need some serious motivation for that trip!

Speaking of trips, I'm trying to plan a couple for our summer without daddy....Sarah invited us to come visit at the end of July, so that's one, and we are seriously considering going to Mt. Hermon, a Christian Family Camp, again. We've gone every year for the past 3 years, and we are absolutely in love with being there.  When I think about it, I can smell the air, picture the trees and the beautiful sanctuary. It's surreal when we are actually there, and the kids can't get enough.  I'm just feeling kind of sad that Jeff won't be there, and I don't want to tag along with the other families I know who are going and wreck their family time. On the other hand, it would be nice to have child care for the week and all the meals cooked and to get to go to church twice and hear awesome messages and just soak in the Santa Cruz redwoods! I guess I'll call tomorrow and see if they have any availability.

Today was rather uneventful, which I guess is a blessing, you know. Oh, a couple really cool things happened - one of my Airman got promoted to SSgt!! So happy and excited for her, she deserves it and it's been a long time coming! It's been a nightmare because our military system that tracks all that stuff was down and when it came back up a lot of stuff wasn't accurate...well, finally some good news!  I got to call her and tell her today, I love making those calls!  And, we finally got to talk to Jeff again. We've been trying to call, but haven't been able to get through. We facetimed today, which is so great- he gets to see everyone and they get to see him. The boys still haven't registered that he is really far away and will be gone for a long time. Tonight, on our 11 pm run, Isaac said, "Daddy's car is here, mom, is Daddy inside?" and he was really confused when I told him he wasn't.  I know he doesn't understand, and he is starting to really miss his daddy.

Time for bed, I have to get up before "snee" wakes up and steals the jumbo marshmallows from the pantry in the morning!

Prayer for today:

Lord, thank you for the technology that we take for granted. The ability to see and talk to Jeff while he is deployed is priceless. It doesn't feel like he is that far away, even though he is.  Comfort the boys when they don't understand and they miss their daddy, and give me strength to face each new day.  Please, help me not to seclude myself from everyone, but instead reach out and ask for help. I know that you have placed me here and provided people in my life that I can count on. Closing another day, I cannot help but realize I failed again today - I've let my situation and frustration prevail and guide my actions. Forgive me for being so selfish and let me not dwell in that sin.  Tomorrow is a new day, fresh with your grace, which is abundant and enough for countless days of my failure! Be with my husband so he isn't lonely, and keep him safe.  Amen.

Day 5

Today was the hardest day yet. I don't know if it's because it's Sunday or I woke up with not only my feet hurting, but my arms, too...hmmmmm...whatever the reason I was definitely a little more short with the kids than I have been lately. We actually got up and were out the door and on our way to church at 8:45, which is a small miracle.  (Praise the Lord!) The VBS kids were going to be called up on stage to sing one of the songs they sang all week so the boys wore their shirts (which I accidently threw in the wash with my muddy gear so two bleach cleanings later and 30 seconds before we left the house, the shirts were dry. Phew.) E was just as excited as Luke to get up there, but I think it's because he was infatuated with "Lady Rock" (one of the VBS leaders in charge who wore a tiara and a red "robe."  It was really cute because at one point in the song they lock arms and dance around with a partner, and they both went for Lady Rock, so she had to make it work! Then I went to bring E into class and discovered there was some mayhem going on in the 4-5 yr old room so I volunteered myself and Dylan to help out during the service. I hope that E was better behaved for Mrs. Debbie during 2nd  service (we ended up staying so we could hear the sermon) because he was kind of crazy for me.  He did have some help, though, there were a couple other boys who appeared to have sugar-ladened breakfasts as well. The boys just had cereal for breaky so I let them have some "do-tees" in between services since they were "staaaaarrrrrrvvvvvvvviiiinnng." Then, my flip flop strap broke, and I had to abandon them and go barefoot the rest of church.  It was just as  well, though, because if I had functioning footwear, I might have dropped some serious dough at Trader Joe's (Trader Jizzos as my husband likes to affectionately call it).  Instead, we went home and did pretty much nothing. Well, I checked some things off the list, but nothing major. I fixed the popped tire on my Phil & Ted's - by scavenging a tire from the broken toddler bike! My dad would be so proud! I even broke a tool trying to get the tire to go onto the rim, but my determination won and I managed to smoosh it on there. I also washed the entire stroller, and scrubbed everything I couldn't throw in the washing machine.  Then we took a quick bike ride to the library to return our OVERDUE movies and a couple of books. Check 2 for the day! Then lastly, I played in the garden a bit, tying up some tomato plants, picking some weeds, and pruning the cilantro, basil and mint.  Not entirely sure of what I'm doing, but it seems to be working okay.  The golden cherry tomatoes are the best! I used them to decorate my salad and nearly ate all of them just popping in my mouth anytime I walked by the kitchen.

After a quick quesadilla dinner (don't judge me, I was going to make Turkey Pot Pie, but I didn't make the crust yet and it's soooo hot out), the boys watched 101 dalmatians and I made some popcorn.  Then, Brooke stopped by to say goodbye....(tear) they are driving to Florida tomorrow morning, they got orders, and like everyone else we meet, they are moving on and we are still here! Luke is really sad that Riley isn't going to be around anymore, and he wants us to move to Florida so we can live right down the street from him.  I wish! Maybe one day. 

I am beginning to really miss Jeff. Although it's been really nice to close the bathroom and closet door when I sleep (he likes them open) and not to stress about my nails being painted all the time, I would love to see him walk in the door tonight like he usually does and go through his entire bedtime "routine"! (Yes, he has one, he is very particular!)....I love him so much, and I am glad that I have this opportunity to feel how much I need him.  

Prayer for today:

Lord, thank you for my husband and everything he does for our family. Thank you for his career and his zeal for you and your word. Help me to be a better wife and think of his needs above my own - it is so easy for me to get lost in my self-made sea of tasks and not even recognize that he is the lifeboat you have given to save me. How foolish am I to think I can make it through without him! Lord, like David cried out - "Please, forgive my sins, for I have sinned against you" I'm handing over any of my idols - self-reliance, pride, anger, all of it. Please take them from me and bring me closer to you.  Use this time to chisel away at all those rough areas in my faith - for you know there are many. Amen.

Day 4

Pretty Muddy! Yes, indeed we were. It was an easy 5K, and it was fun! The obstacles were pretty easy, and this time around we brought our phones, so we could take pics of all the dirty action! We started the day with our cute pink tutus, pink Air Force shirts, and excitement, and we ended up looking like that pic to the left! I am so thankful for these ladies and their positive attitudes and encouragement. Also, we met Danette's friend Kate, who is a pilot, and really sweet, as she waited for us and took pics and lended her clean hands when we were completely covered and unable to take pics and open bottles! (No kidding.)

If you've never done one of these mud runs, I highly recommend it. It is fun, and even if you aren't a great runner, you'll be fine. There are lots of stops, water areas, and you are so busy from one obstacle to the next, it's hardly like you are running at all! PPR watched the boys, and they were there regular, angelic selves. (An by angelic, I mean insanely uncooperative and ornery, with short spasms of compliance.) I had a nice break from all that, though. :) yay.

On another note, all these pictures gave me fresh inspiration to work out a little more and start my clean eating plan. I came home from the run and finished off another 10,000 steps to hit over 20K for the day.  One of my goals while J is gone is to lose weight and stay consistently working out - so far, so good. I've actually been furiously exercising since May 16th - but apparently I'm lacking the diet key, so that is my next overhaul.

I'm really tired tonight, which is why it's 9 pm right now and I'm trying to bribe IZ and Luke to fall asleep next to me. So far it isn't working, but I should get points for trying. My feet are hurting, I'm starving and I'm trying to debate whether I should eat or not, and my head is trying really hard to ache. I'm going to try to get these guys to sleep!

Today's Prayer:

Father, thank you for your provisions and guiding hand today, keeping us safe through our travels and during the run, and for the conversations and friendship we enjoyed today. Thank you for placing ladies in my life who constantly inspire, encourage and challenge me. Thank you for the ability to run when other's can't - thank you for all of the volunteers who worked and organized the race for all the ladies today.  Lord, we talked about your providence in each of our lives, how you protected us even before we ever heard your voice or acknowledged our foolish, self-condemning sins. I'm so thankful for that undeserved forgiveness in my life - please open other's eyes and hearts and pull them into your  gravitational grace.

Day 3

People keep telling me it's going to get easier. I laugh and try to believe them, but the truth is, if I let myself think about how much time is left, I get overwhelmed. I woke up this morning at 7:00 (which is actually pretty early for me) to the sound of the garbage truck and the sinking realization that I  Dylan forgot that Friday was trash day.  Ordinarily, I could care less which day of the week it is, unless it's reserve weekend. I lost that battle, and we shall have an overflowing abundance of recyclestuffs for next week. You see, in the morning I'm the equivalent of a 70-yr old because of my plantar fasciitis. My first steps are so incredibly painful it causes me to hobble awkwardly to the bathroom, where I spend my entire mirror routine stretching out my traitor arches and heels.  Trying to rush out to get the trash to the curb without contacts or working feet would have been some serious entertainment for someone in the neighborhood!

 Tonight was a windows-open-i-need-to-repent-for-yelling-so-much kinda night. The grace that I am sometimes able to muster up had vacated and left a vacuous hole of impatience and anger. I hate feeling out of control, frustrated that things are not going my way, tired, grouchy, with way to much stuff on my to do list and no more minutes left to do.  I guess that's why people said you have to just relax and realize not everything is going to get done.  Easier said than done for someone who creates lists with checkboxes just to get the satisfaction of checking them off. (You know you do, too.)  

On the positive side, my friend Allyson watched the kids (my kids plus JJ) so I could go to the commissary without having a mental breakdown. That was nice. I was tempted to run away, but I wouldn't do that to Allyson!! Have you ever noticed how much your attitude changes when you get to go grocery shopping all by yourself (without minions hitting each other over the head with canned items or screaming unnecessarily just to get their brothers attention?) If not, you really must experience the solo trip. I was able to stick to the list and help some older people get their groceries and everything.  My mind wandered while I listened to Alistair Begg's recent sermon series (http://www.truthforlife.org) and pondered what kind of ice cream the kids might like to try. How amazing is that! My very own thoughts -- and I could hear them, for once! Good times, I tell ya.

Also, tomorrow I will running in the "Pretty Muddy" women's 5K in Sacramento. I just picked up my shirt and cute little (although completely non-utilitarian) pink tutu that I will be sporting as I gracefully trudge through muddy obstacles. I doesn't sound fun when I describe it like that, but it really is fun! And, PPR is watching the boys for me! Yay. I'll post pictures tomorrow.

Last positive note - Sarah presented me with this beautiful gift tonight - (besides Naan, which was delicious!) It's awesome. She is so thoughtful and generous - and she is an awesome decorator, too!  Thank you, Sarah! They will be driving back to Washington tomorrow and then coming back next month. We might drive up to visit them next month, too, just trying to figure out the logistics.  It's awesome having friends that move away, but come visit all the time! :) 

We didn't get to talk to Jeff today, and I'm afraid to call him because I don't know what his sleep schedule is like yet. I'm starting to miss him, and I even caught myself thinking that he was home because his car was parked in the back.  :(  Day 3 down.

Prayer for Today:

Lord, help me continue to "see" and appreciate the blessings during this deployment. Continue to draw me close and strengthen me and remind me to live in this moment, not fretting about tomorrow or the other 100+ days to follow, but to really be present and enjoy each day with a renewed sense of purpose and vision. Lord, I know that you want me to live a full life, and I thank you that you have given me friends and family that are so willing to help and encourage me.  Keep watch over my husband and all of the deployed Military men and women away from their families. Amen.

Day Two!

Today was a pretty good day! Thanks in large part to Papa Ralph (PPR) and Mimi, who came and scooped up  "Tiger Woogs" and "Snedeker" (after "snee") for a nice golf lesson with the First Tee program.  PPR also surprised Joshie with a new "real" bag, and his smaller one will be passed down to IZ, who is eager for his turn to go "goffing"!  Ralph said they did really well, and he even got to coach some of the kids because there were so many kids.  He said he bribed all the kids with a piece of gum if they made their putts. I have a feeling he was the favorite teacher today! Lol, Papa Ralph and his bottom-less pocket of goodies!

I got a few things done, but more importantly, I wrote my whole to-do list down (organized by category) on a self-made form (with checkboxes, thank you!)....because after searching online for far too long, I couldn't find one I liked. Anyway, my list is quite lofty right now, lots of errands to run, projects to complete and shopping to do....so many empty checkboxes, not enough time! Today I put Jeff's grill in the closet (no small feat if you've seen our disaster of an outside closet) so Frank won't be tempted to chew the wheels off of it - he's already gotten to the lawn mower, RIP.  I also went through all the boy's shoes and chose some to donate. (Don't worry, Jeff, all the Jordans made the cut!) And lastly, I trimmed the little sheepdog's hair right before he went golfing. I didn't want it to mess with his game!  So, three things down, and technically, four, if you count actually making the list in the first place! 

We got to see Jeff and talk to him today on FaceTime - which I think is still weird. I'm going to have to get used to seeing myself on the screen...and putting on makeup when I see Jeff calling.  He is doing good, drinking lots of water! He did his gangsta' desert face for me and I snapped a screenshot. Lol. I'm so thankful for technology that allows us to see and talk with each other. I can't imagine how it used to be when you had to wait for a letter in the mail whenever the mail got it to you! 

Tonight, Sarah and Carmen came and hung out and IZ and Lanie got to spend some time together playing. They are so adorable, and they play really well together. Lanie was really putting IZ in his place, it was pretty hilarious. We made Orange Chicken and I whipped up a peach-strawberry-blueberry tart. So yummy! PPR picked the boys up from VBS and brought them to BK for some promised burgers. What a great night for them and us! I'm so thankful for friends and downtime!

So, trying my best to be positive! Tomorrow should be a test of my patience, as I will have to venture out of the house and somehow manage to get Frank to the Vet Clinic by 8 am for the removal of his manly parts.  He's been such a spaz, and hopefully this will calm him down a little.  I'm a little stressed about the logistics of carrying him into the clinic (He's like 60 pounds) and his recovery.  Prayers for me, tomorrow! Then, I'm going to the commissary for so much needed shelf-stocking.  Allyson is going to take the kids for me so it should be a rather blissful hour and a half alone! Small victories over here, people!

Today's Prayer:

Lord, help me be thankful and recognize all the blessings you send to me disguised as friends, family, and even food!  Help me face each day with a renewed strength that only you can provide. Be with my husband as he acclimates to the heat of the desert and his new job, help my boys adjust to our new routine with their daddy being gone.  Energize me so that I can serve others, let me have open eyes for those opportunities, and a softened heart that bends to your will. Help me to remain joyful - content, patient, and faithful. 

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

-Romans 12:10-12

Day One.

For those of you just tuning in, we are an Air Force family undergoing our first deployment - Daddy will be home, God willing, in early November).

So, we've officially made it through days "zero" and "one" without any major injuries, illnesses, or catastrophes. I'll chalk that up on the "success" side! It's been sort of normal ops around here - considering J just got on a plane yesterday and we had our weepy goodbyes and he endured a 17.5 hour plane ride to his home for the next four or so months. The boys still don't have any idea what is really going on and IZ keeps asking me if I'm leaving, too. I think he is concerned that people just leave and don't come back home...he doesn't understand, for sure (He's 3).

Yesterday was a little bit crazy. Jeff left early to bring his bags to the terminal and check in, then came dashing back to the house to wake me up (we all had a late night) and tell me they were boarding at 0730 so I had to get the kids and come NOW. He had the deployment manager drive him back to the terminal and left me about 20 minutes to rush and get everyone ready (uniforms for the boys!) and meet him there to say our goodbyes. Well, with God's assistance (I'm sure!) we made it. We got to hang out, take some pictures, and even go to the "Gate" with him (which is actually a waiting area before a bus takes you over to the plane). The boys played ping pong and livened up the scene with their wrestling and boy energy! Jeff and I kind of made small talk and waited for the time they called for them to get on the bus, but that time never came! They said there was going to be a delay....so I took the boys to get donuts and grab Jeff a breakfast sandwich and come back. I rushed over to the coffee shop and was in there when Jeff called me and told me to forget about the breakfast, they were going to board early. That was it, that was all I needed to hear. The tears slid down my face (as the coffee lady stared at me crazily, wondering what I was doing just sitting around crying!) and my throat constricted with all the words I couldn't say. It's good that Jeff is a talker, because he filled the void with words that could have been my own. He said, "We take it for granted. The time we have together - we take each other for granted, wasting time and not really being grateful for the things we've been given, the people that God has placed in our lives, the grace that he's shown us. We take it all for granted. I'm so sorry for anything I've said to hurt you, or the time I've wasted not telling you how much I love you and our boys. With the way we've been treating each other lately, this is what we deserve. Time apart to really realize how much we need and love each other. I love you". I mean, that's nearly word for word, but my memory probably corrected some of his grammar, ha ha. He is right. As usual. My husband is a "seeker of truth"  and he is usually able to cut right to the heart of matters with ruthless precision. I've always told him he would make a good cop or detective, because he has a way of making you face the truth, even if you are lying to yourself. But he does it in a way that makes you like him, rather than want to stab him with fork in his eye. (Okay, sometimes I might think that but usually when he is telling me to "suck it up and just run" when my feet are just dying...plantar fasciitis, thank you.)

Me, I'm better with words on paper. The words need time to marinate in the juices of my thoughts before escaping my mouth. Otherwise, my social awkwardness creeps in and I start pointing out insignificant facts only nerds like me find interesting. (Recently, I weirded out a Fleet Feet shoe girl by insisting that I couldn't possibly buy the shoes I was trying on because the laces reminded me of tape worms, all flat and segmented and stretchy. I mean, if you have ever seen a tapeworm for real, you would be on my side, here.) At any rate, my husband gets the short end of the deal, because I don't communicate feelings very well at all. I'm hoping that this deployment will give us some time to really express ourselves in alternate ways! I'm trying to stay optimistic here.

On a positive note, the boys have a couple cool things going on this week - first and foremost, their buddy JJ is visiting from Washington! JJ and Luke are about a year apart - and they are seriously Jason and Jeff reincarnated. It's hilarious to watch those two goofballs together! They have been having a great time together, but I think JJ was a little over-stimulated after spending half the week with the boys and my warden alter-ego. He asked if he could go stay in his hotel room tonight! Lol. Sarah said there is definitely too much action going on for him, being here could definitely amp anyone up to the point of craziness, for sure. I'm surprised it only took a few days. Also, the boys have Vacation Bible School this week, too! It's a night at our church (Parkway) and it is such a blessing for both me and them. They are having tons of fun, sugar, songs, and crafts, and I'm having time with just Isaac. Yesterday, Carmen  brought her girls, too, and while they were there, we went to World Market. I had a plan to pick up something for my sister and dad, but I walked out with 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of Abita strawberry Harvest Ale, a butter spreader, sesame wafers, 2 sodas, an ICEE candy spray bottle, and some Thai Tea. Yes, I had to recant everything I bought so you could laugh and the randomness. Originally I wasn't planning on drinking at all while Jeff is gone, but I justified it because Sarah is visiting and we can just chill and talk and enjoy some wine together. After a tough day of wrangling kids, it's a small little blessing of relaxation. (Don't get all judgy, I'm a Christian, and I can have a drink without getting all crazy. Moderation, motivation, survival).  Also, Carmen bought me a loofah and some Magnolia soap when I wasn't looking and tried, unsuccessfully, to sneakily put it in my bag as we got out to get the kids at church. So sweet! I will forever associate the smell of Magnolia with Jeff being deployed now. Ha, ha.

Alright, It's way passed my bedtime now, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning, because there is no slowing the steady stream of my need for his Grace every day. I love the reminder from the prophet Jeremiah, who is choosing to look past his corporal afflictions and see the good, praising the Lord for his providence and faithfulness:

"The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.²³  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.²⁴ “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“Therefore I have hope in Him.”²⁵  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.    

 - Lamentations 3:22-25 

Prayer for Today:

Lord, we know where Grace abounds, no bitterness can take root.  Help me continually focus on you, not on my own small circumstances, difficulties, trials, and pain. I want to place my Hope in you alone, not anything else on the earth, because nothing can fill my aching soul other than your love and forgiveness. What an awesome truth to go to sleep pondering - Your compassion and lovingkindness are new EVERY morning. Help me remember that Lord, and to come and drink from that eternal spring of your faithfulness, daily! Please keep my husband safe while he is away, use him to spread your good news to those who don't know you or haven't heard Your name. Use me to encourage and support other military wives who have to endure a deployment - increase my faithfulness, drown my doubt with your absolute blessings and favor. Help me remember that this is temporary, and your desire is for me to thrive, even in this circumstance, because it could be much worse. Help me be thankful for those who reach out and help, and to be grateful for all that you have given us -- even this. Amen.

Good things about Deployment

I was feeling a little overwhelmed last night, thinking about Jeff leaving so soon. At 11:27, I found myself wide awake, at the end of my Facebook news feed, Jeff sleeping soundly next to me, and my book splayed open, unusally unappealing.  So instead of focusing on the stress and worst-case scenarios, I started to think about the good things that this deployment might bring. Here's the list I came up with so far:

This Deployment will  may:

1. Force me to rely more on God.

2. Bring me to my knees in prayer more often.

3. Make me appreciate my husband and all he does for me and our boys.

4. Make me hunger after time with my husband (which I take for granted now).

5. Force me to rely on my friends and family, and allow them to help.

6. Erode the "supermom" mentality, which is too a high a standard, anyway.

7. Allow me to spend more quality time with the boys, and really enjoy them.

8. Give me an excuse to slow down, and appreciate everything we have.

9. Push me into a more disciplined routine.

10. Make me a better planner.

11. Encourage me to get out of my homebody shell.

12. Give me permission to not clean as much (lol).

13. Allow me to sneak in some sewing projects to pass the time.

14. Rekindle the communication in my marriage (we can only talk and write!)

15. Encourage me to be less self-reliant. (I'm notoriously self-sufficient - it's too prideful!)

16. Encourage other women who are going through the same thing.

17. Spend more time with God's word.

18. Put in some much-needed miles on the Elliptical (I've already started).

19. Give me an excuse to de-clutter, organize & deep-clean.

20. Bring me and my boys closer!

So, here's to glass-half-full thinking. Cheers!

http://coachdawnwrites.com/2012/09/are-optimists-better-coaches/glass-half-full/

Stages of Deployment: Stage 1, Denial

Are you there God? It's me, Michelle.

When I was a little girl, who doubted the very existence of God, that's how I started my feeble petitions to a God I wasn't sure even heard them. Hands pressed together, eyes closed, or looking upwards, laying in my twin bed, just before drifting off into the blissful sleep of youth.

I would continue from there to describe the town I lived in, the road, my house, my room....as if God used Google Earth to zoom in from Heaven to find me. As if he needed my help. I just wanted to be sure that before I asked (it was always asking, never praising) He understood who was doing the asking.  It makes me laugh now, because I'm thinking of God saying, "Oops, I gave that cute puppy to the wrong Michelle! Oh well, maybe I'll get it right next time, if she had only clarified where she lived." Ha, ha. It sounds absurd, now, right? Well, I guess it seems logical. I didn't know God, so I assumed God didn't know me!

Well, nowadays, God knows me and hears me. Although he may not answer in the way I think He should, He is in control and He knows what's best. Lately, though, I've been feeling like that little girl again - unsure about my place, needing to reconfirm myself before God, and I know it's because I've drifted away, ever so slightly, like a leaf gently falling down from it's branch. That's a lonely self-made place to be, and it hurts. The storms of life seem to rip you from your "tree" and you feel like you are being tossed around, losing balance, falling.

To me, that's what this pre-deployment time feels like. Armed with my "honey-do" lists, my "do before Jeff leaves" lists, and my mounting concerns about how I'm going to hold it together during this time apart, it reminds me of another time of waiting. Stay with me, here, because I'm about to compare waiting for deployment to the last few weeks of pregnancy. Seriously, the frantic nesting, cleaning, worries about when the baby comes, preparing meals, putting things in order, arranging child care...the analogy fits for me! Since Jeff found out a few months ago that he was actually going, I hid behind denial up until last week. I couldn't actually picture it happening, I convinced myself it was going to be cancelled, I couldn't imagine having to wake up with the kids, entertain them all day, and put them to bed at night alone. That overwhelms me. What about when I feel sick? Tired? Exhausted? Feel like never getting out of bed? (Hey, worst case examples are my default!) I know there are military women out there that have to deal with their husbands being gone for much longer than mine is going to be, but  it still just strikes me as something I don't want to ever do. (As if I have a choice in the matter!)

So, stage one is Denial. I've blasted past that, now, but what I'm experiencing now I would call the nesting phase. Planning, scheduling, cleaning, finishing projects as to alleviate as much stress ahead of time. The funny thing is, that when you are waiting for a baby to come, you do the same things, and when the baby gets here you realize that life goes on as usual, and most of what you did was overkill anyway. Funny how that works! We will see if it holds true for deployment, too. Life will still go on, as usual. Kids will get sick, meals will be prepared, and the house may or may not get clean. My hope is that I hang on to my sanity, and hold fast to God's grace and love, and that he shelters me through this season of our life!

Michelle

Our Deployment Journey begins!

Things are about to get C.R.A.Z.Y up in here! My husband, Jeff, is getting ready to deploy in a couple of weeks and I'm still in denial that this is really happening. We knew this day was coming, but the angst-ridden days are flying by so quickly now I can hardly catch my breath.  I've witnessed my friend's husband's deploy and return, read the facebook posts that paint a pretty good picture of what it's going to be like, but until it's our family's turn, I won't really know.

We took the boys to Florida for a week recently. It was awesome. We didn't do anything, really. Just vegetated at the beach or the pool. And took selfies at the beach:

Our Florida Vacation, May 2013

It was nice to pass the time because waiting is the hardest. As we nestle in to the final countdown until "the day daddy leaves" we make a nice cozy home for uncertainty, doubt, anxiety, and stress. My friends these are natural responses to a pending deployment, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Jeff wants to leave just to start the clock ticking until he comes home, but he worries about us and my sanity as he rides out his desert time.  And he has every right to worry, because daily life has been a little stressful lately! 

I want to share our family's deployment journey with you, not only as a cathartic exercise for my overactive brain, but as a source of encouragement. Because I have full confidence that God will bring us through this time apart, God will sustain our every need, God will counter my temporal feelings of being lonely, feeling helpless, tired, weary, and anxious with His love, peace, energy, and patience.  I'm counting on that!

Alright, first I am going to share my deployment survival plan. Because if I don't have a plan, I will feel like I'm constantly lost without purpose. This is the skeleton of my plan:

DEPLOYMENT SURVIVAL PLAN

1. Schedule our days: sounds easy, sounds boring. This is something I don't normally do, because I'm not crazy about scheduling stuff. It's funny, because as organized as I profess to be, I HATE schedules. My husband gets so frustrated with me on this one and even has the audacity to label me "undisciplined"! Ha! I'm also going to try to enforce an earlier bed time (for me, too) and wake up early to get a work out in without little people around.

2. Make meals easy: again, a no-brainer. But along with the scheduling, I'm going to make sure we have easy meals available so I don't lose my mind and feed them cereal every meal. (Hmmm...that doesn't sound so bad.....) I've already got a template going!

3. Plan care packages: I want to do a good job making sure that Jeff feels loved and connected to us.  I found a bunch of cool ideas on Pinterest here: http://pinterest.com/mcascio/deployment-cures/

4. Schedule "me" time and let people help: I'm definitely self-sufficient. Not in a proud I-can-do-it-all way, but more of a "I don't want to burden people with my crazy boys" sort of way.  I'm going to do exercise videos in the morning and ask for help so I can get away once a week!

5. Plan some fun activities: This is a pretty easy one. But even fun takes some organization. I want to have at least one fun day trip planned a month, and definitely easy trips to the pool, library, and other summer hot spots! 

So that's my plan. In the following days I'll share more about each list item. Talk to you soon!